Control Freaks Anonymous, Part II

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I am a firm believer in the 12 steps. I think the principles are sound, and they have worked time and again. Although there isn’t exactly a “Control Freaks Anonymous”, I know that when you get down to it, most addictions are truly about control. So maybe there is hope for my recovery!

Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.

12 step program for recovering control freaks

Is there a 12-step program for people with addiction to control? How about a book, Giving Up Control in Five Easy Steps? No? Well, there should be.

Hello, my name is Joni, and I am a control freak.

Yep, its official. I’m sure this doesn't affect you personally, dear reader, but maybe you know someone who is a control freak. Who likes to have her neat list, who wants to know that, barring a tsunami, she will be able to manage every aspect of her life and the lives of those around her. Who am I kidding, of COURSE you know someone like this – ME.

Here’s the one word in the English language I can’t pronounce, much less practice. It comes out of my lips like the telephone number of a drunk person: SURRENDER.

verb: To yield or resign in favor of another

When I think of surrender, I don’t tend to think of it in positive terms. I tend to think it is giving up, when your back is against the wall, when you have no alternative but to fold your cards. It’s over, I lost, I’m done.

weeping in a chapel... just another one of [those] days.

Today I walk into a Catholic church, straight to the prayer chapel, kneel by the altar, light a candle... and I don’t pray. I weep.

For some reason, on this day, I need to go there. Drawn like a magnet to the tiny chapel.

On this day, I realize, once again, how little control I have over my world. And again, the fear and uncertainty rear their heads and glare at me with eyes glowing like red embers.