Day 1

Me in hijab, Day 1

I was pretty much still outraged when I got to work today regarding my boss's insensitivity to my religious freedom. (Religious freedom? Oh, right, that means you can be a Christian; or you can not be a Christian but still SAY you're a Christian; or it means you can just not say anything.)

I told my co-worker, who asked where my hijab was this morning that I wasn't allowed to wear it to work, per the boss's orders. Her jaw dropped. "Not allowed?? How can he not allow you to wear a head covering? Do we have a policy on that?"

Yes, as Director of Human Resources at one of the largest employers in Tarrant County, I see the irony in this situation.

No, we do NOT have a policy on head coverings, and while I'm still the person in charge of putting together the policy manual, we won't. (Not to mention the obvious illegalities involved in such a policy.)

I went to Kohls during lunch and as I was checking out, noted that the couple in line behind me kept their distance. And "All-American" couple, the husband, I would guess, was present or former military. The wife, a petite blonde and the daughter, a cutie with a pink dress on, purposefully avoided my glance. They stood at least a car length behind me, as if Islam is contagious or something! It made me smile on my way out.

Other things that made me smile today:
1. Riding Clementine (my scooter) with a hijab. Its tricky to keep that thing down, let me tell you. And I can only imagine how silly I look with my bobble head helmet and my scarf flying behind me like a cape.
2. Going to Walmart. The Cashier was convinced she knew me from somewhere. It took all of my personal fortitude to prevent myself from saying "Oh, its the head covering. We all look alike in these things." HA.

Finally, a few random facts about Islam:
1. Muslims don't eat pork. While this is widely known, it is less widely known that they also don't eat lions or alligators, or anything carnivorous. Also pepperoni (pork), bacon (also pork, sadly), and sausage. And jello. And marshmellows (except halaal versions). I bet you didn't know jello and marshmellows had pork in them, did you? Check the package!
2. Islam was founded about 600 years after Christianity. This was a surprise to me because I figured it predated Christianity since they trace their original lineage back to Ishmael, the brother of Isaac. But the actual religion was founded by Mohammad in around 610-622 AD.
3. Islam is competing with Mormonism for the fastest growing religion in the United States.

I think its unfortunate, in a country that so values freedom and personal liberty, that Muslims are the one group in the United States that it is widely accepted to discriminate against and stereotype.

More on Day 2, I'm exhausted! :-)

The Day Before Day 1

I decided to tackle Islam in my first set of thirty days.

A typical American Muslim woman dresses something like this:

...that is to say, exactly like ME, except with a head covering, and making sure that they are modest and covered. In North Richland Hills, Texas, it is fairly rare to see a Muslim woman. It happens from time to time, but this town is a stud on the Bible belt. Other areas of the metroplex (like North Dallas) have larger populations of Muslims, but here in North Richland hills, and really, in Tarrant County as a whole, there is not a large visible population of Muslims.

Understanding this, I debated whether I should tell my co-workers what to expect and why I was showing up dressed differently.

Negatives of informing my co-workers:
1. They don’t take my experiment seriously.
2. I don’t get an authentic reaction (as a new Muslim convert might) therefore I’m missing the point (and the reason) I’m dressing as a Muslim to begin with.

Positives of informing my co-workers:
1. They don’t think I’m crazy, showing up one day with a head-covering
2. I don’t have to explain the experiment eighteen times to different people
3. They don’t think I’m a religious flake (when I stop being Muslim in a month)

I decided to tell my co-workers. The day before my experiment began, I sent an email to them and my boss letting them know that I would be wearing a hijab to work the following day. It went something like this:

As most of you know, I write quite a lot in my spare time. I am doing some research for a project I’m working on about how people’s religious beliefs influence their lives, specifically how religion impacts women in all phases of life in American culture. Tomorrow, I will begin an experiment. During this experiment, I will be living as a traditional Muslim woman, including wearing the clothing that a traditional Muslim woman wears.

This research will last for 30 days (starting tomorrow). During that time, you can expect to see me in the hijab, which is a traditional head covering (without a face cover –not a burka), and more modest clothing than I usually wear. Other than that, there will be no major changes that you notice. I was just letting you know so that I didn’t catch anyone off guard.

After a ten minute pause, my boss called me to his office.

“What is this experiment you’re doing?” he asked, looking perturbed.

I explained that I was going to be experiencing other religions for thirty days each, immersing myself in the religion, and talking to women about their experiences with each religion, then writing about it.

He looks angry. This is not good.

“Is this going to be a problem?” I asked (obviously a rhetorical question).

He wanted to know why I had sent the email to the whole office without talking to him first. He wanted to know what the “costume” would look like, and if the next six months would be me parading around the office in different “costumes”. His questions in rapid-fire, I could see a wall going up before my eyes. He was not angry, he was offended.

I sat in shocked silence for a second before I even justified his comment with a response. “A COSTUME?” I said. “An hijab is not exactly a costume, it is a piece of clothing worn out of respect and relationship with God in the Islam faith. Is there a company policy on head coverings that I don’t know about?”

There was no policy, however, there WAS a policy on beards and one on blue jeans, and he quickly told me that anyone could say they are “doing an experiment” on beards and blue jeans, or anything else, and try to wear that to work. This would be unacceptable. He believed that my hijab was an open door to mass chaos at work. He told me he would get back to me with his decision on my head covering.

His decision?? I have to say, I never considered the idea of even asking his permission, or whether he would actually have a choice on whether I would wear a head covering. I never thought it would be a problem and I was surprised at his resistance. We are a relatively open-minded and diverse company! He prays before company dinners, and I know that his religion (Christianity) is very important to him, but I never expected him to react with such venom to another religion in our office.

An hour later I received a text from him:
“After further consideration, please do not deviate from regular business attire at work.”

Day 1 has not arrived, I have not donned my hijab, and already I have been humiliated and discriminated against. I can see this will be fun.

Why I am doing this project...

I wear a cross. It is about one inch tall and 3/4 inch wide. It is silver and hangs on a silver chain. Outside of that cross, no one could look at me and say "Oh, that is a Christian. She believes in God. She accepted Jesus as her Savior. She is in a current, ongoing relationship with God." Even with the cross, most people wouldn't jump to that conclusion because this is America. Land of the free, home of the brave, and welcoming to everyone. But mostly, this is America, a majority Christian nation. And a cross around my neck on a silver chain is an accessory.

Growing up with my parents in ministry, and being in church leadership myself, I have never had to wear my religion on the outside. I have never been criticized for being Christian. However, my spiritual experience has influenced me as a woman. I percieve the world differently because of my religious upbringing, because of the spiritual beliefs I have held for so many years. Maybe not all Christians are like I am, but I have been brought up to believe that Christians hold the patent on "right", and everyone else can literally "go to hell." I mean, to dig down deeper, even Christian subcultures are condemned within the larger, mostly Protestant, Christian community I have experienced. (Again, not speaking for everyone here, just myself.)

This brought to mind some questions for me, in the arena of spirituality and being a woman:
How DO our spiritual and religious beliefs impact us as women?
How do they change our perceptions of the world around us?
Are those impacts the same accross the board, regardless of what religion you choose?
Are we all experiencing the same thing in a different environment?
And, more importantly, are we all experiencing the same God in a different context?

I am currently doing an experiment. Call it research for my next writing project. Call it research into women's belief systems and humanity in general. Call it research into my own core belief system. For the next few months, I will be speaking to women from all walks of life, from all ages and races, and from all religions about why they made the spiritual choice they made, in hopes of finding out specifically how religion impacts women in all phases of life in American culture.

As part of this project, I will be living the religions I am studying. Not to say I'm going to convert to Judaism, or Islam, or Buddhism for 30 days a piece, but to say that, as I worship my God and Creator, I hope to experience Him in a different way by seeing him from the perspective of others. Because all of these religions I will be looking at worship one God, and from the looks of it, it is the God who created the world, the God who made Adam and Eve... and last time I checked, that was MY God.

Talking to other women, experiencing their level of devotion and discipline in their relationship with God, whether I pray to their God or mine, will help me better understand my God, I think, and will give me a better picture of what truly empowers women around this country about their spirituality.

The first 30 days of this experiment will be Islam, and I will be living as a traditional Muslim woman - observing prayer times, wearing the hijab, and abstaining from alcohol and pork products. I have never worn my religion on the outside. I have never been judged on site by the majority of the people I come in contact with. Heck, I have never been a minority! I will be talking to Muslim women about their perspective on God and how it shapes them. After Islam, I plan to explore the other 5 major religions within American culture.

I don't know what will happen after that. Maybe I will have achieved enlightenment. LOL. Maybe I will have made everyone around me think that I'm completely nuts (now THAT one isn't too far off). Maybe I just will have made alot of people mad.

But, I welcome your input and opinions. I welcome your questions and insights. I am interested in hearing most about your perspective on God... because, after all, that is what this is all about.

As an afterthought and to address a question I would have asked myself  - I realize that religion and relationship with God are not synonymous. I know that you can not be a Christian, but go to church. I realize that you can wear a wedding ring and not respect or live within the confines of a marriage... my point is that in this nation, the majority of people who claim to have a relationship with God do so within the context of "religion" as I have done, in Christianity. Therefore, as a point of reference, I am using religion as my medium to understand cultural and personal perspectives of God, in different contexts than my own.

Additionally, I never write about things that don't move me personally, but this is about women as a whole, and about our experiences as American women, not about myself as much, or my own search, although searching myself is intrinsic in connecting with women in different religious cultures.

Before the project was concieved

Words form the world we live in. They change our perceptions, our ideals, our opinions, our belief systems. They mold us from our very core into what we are. They can humiliate, build relationships and mend broken ones, educate or brainwash. They can kill, wound, judge, promote, persuade, give life, mitigate, correct, or stereotype.

Words have always held the power of creation.

The idea for this project was brought to me by some books I was reading. I read a book called The Fourty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak about a sect of Islam called Sufism. It was the first I had read of Islam, and I was surprised to read her descriptions of Rumi's devotion to God, and the spiritual path he travelled in learning to love God with abandon.

My writing is heavily influenced by what is going on in my life, and what I am passionate about. At the time I started considering this project, I was going through what I considered a early-mid-life crisis, searching for my purpose in life and realizing that everything came back to helping and empowering women through words.

This project is about my personal journey.

Adding two more...

So, I'm adding a couple more to my goals:
4. Work on my relationship with God. I'm going to give God (and Christians, actually) a second chance. I'm going to believe that he wants peace and hope for me and a future. I'm going to hang tight and hold on and look for his hand in my life.

5. Eliminate the negative words from my vocabulary. Instead of saying "not" "won't" "can't" and "don't" I'm going to speak POSITIVELY and speak things that are not as if they were! Lets see if The Secret works for ME! :-)

MY 100 Day Challenge

I decided to come up with more than one goal. I'm a multi-tasker. Plus, if I have more than one goal, I'll have more to blog about (and I like to blog). Like everyone, I have things I would like to see different in my life. There are things I can do in order to embrace those changes. So... my goals for the 100 days beginning September 23 are these:

1. SERVE OTHERS
Slavery is obligated, required, unavoidable, duty, and generally not at all satisfying.
Servant hood is intentional, purposeful, and stems from love and commitment rather than obligation.

Slavery results in resentment, unhappiness, and anger.
Servanthood results in fulfillment and contentment.

I am going to spend the next 100 days serving my co-workers, my boss, Mark, my friends, my children, and my community in any ways I can find – not just serving them, but serving them as I would want to be served, and doing it cheerfully and happily, expecting nothing in return. I will commit to one act of service per day - a choice to make someone else's day a little bit more enjoyable.

2. BE GRATEFUL
definition: warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful

Every day I will find something to be thankful for. I will record it, I will remember it, I will appreciate it.

3. EXPRESS MYSELF THOUGHTFULLY
I will choose carefully the words I say. I will seek wisdom and speak less. I will use language that is reflective of the person I want to be. I will not curse (unless I am in extreme pain- LOL), I will not say things in anger that I don't mean, I will not make promises I can't keep, I will continue to be radically honest. I'll write what I do, I'll notice my slip ups and mistakes, and I'll correct them.

OK, so the first and the third could be big goals. Huge even. I'm going to do it though - for 100 days, I can do anything, right? We'll see... I'm going to blog about my 100 days experiment here! :-) I'm going to end the year - AND THE DECADE - with success!!!

More tidbits on the 100 day challenge...

http://abundance-blog.marelisa-online.com/2009/09/14/the-100-day-finish-strong-challenge/

Check out this blog! It specifically addresses our goals for the 100 day challenge!

Some highlights from the blog:

One of the principles that Gary emphasizes in the “100 Day Finish Strong Challenge” is the Law of Exposure. The Law of Exposure tells us that our minds think about what they’re most exposed to.

This performance law is fueled by the following understandings:

1. Whatever enters your mind repeatedly first occupies your mind and then eventually shapes both your perceptions and reality.
2. Your mind will absorb and ultimately reflect whatever it gets repeatedly exposed to.
3. The events you attend, the materials you read, the music you listen to, the images you watch, the conversations you hold, the friends you hang out with, and the daydreams you entertain, all of these are shaping your mind, then your character, and eventually your future.
4. You expose people to your behavior all day long and as a result you either make deposits or withdrawals into their psychological bank account.

Now think of the following questions as they relate to the Law of Exposure:

• What am I currently exposing my mind to on a daily basis?
• What impact is that exposure having on my performance?
• What should I be exposing my mind to on a daily basis?
• What am I exposing other people to when they look at my behavior?
• What indecencies should I no longer be exposing my mind to?
  

Indecent Exposure
As it relates to your personal and professional performance, indecent exposure consists of anything that pollutes your mind, body, or soul, such as the following:
Excuses
Procrastination
Junk Food
Violence
Lack of integrity
Worry
Lying
Mediocrity

Far too many people are overly exposed to these indecencies which negatively impacts their results. It’s amazing how many people think that they can avoid the Law of Exposure: they think they can read anything they want–tabloids, gossip magazines, and so on–, they can watch bad images, they can listen to nasty music, and it will not have any impact on them.