Respites

Do you sometimes long for a respite? Driving, hands on the wheel, windows down, flying over gravel-topped roads with trees whizzing by on either side until you pass the trees and the only things beside you the fence posts of ranchers, the occasional indifferent cow watching you as you drive, enveloped in your own world and thoughts, carrying around you an aura of escape – or longing – or maybe both.
A respite from the hectic life, a respite from saying the right things, and doing what you should do, a respite – calm and serene – where you can lay your head on the lap of someone wiser and stronger, someone who’s arms will surround you and hold you safe from the world around, where you can cry until there are no tears, then laugh until there are more tears.
I sometimes long for a respite and I wonder if it will come, or if, when it does, will I still need it?

Letters Home at Christmas

I recieved this letter from my brother who is in Iraq. I think it is profound and touching.

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Jones,
You know when I joined the service 51/2 years ago, I did not know what
to expect. I was scared and alone, and I thought I had made the mistake
of my life. I knew in my heart though there was a bigger purpose. I
still to this day don't know exactly what God had in store for me here.
As I have traveled around the world, and seen death and destruction
first hand, I have grown closer to my savior and my family. There was a
time in 2005 when I thought God had forgotten about us. We were trapped
in a house, and taking fire from all four directions, we were quickly
running out of ammo, and I was afraid. Really afraid. I had a pocket
full of letter from my marines to there families, and you can imagine
what they said. But as I racked back the bolt on my rifle and opened
fire on the enemy that was so close to taking us that day, I saw the
faith my marines had in defending our country and the faith that they
had that I was not gonna die. I realized then that I was going to live
another day. It was like they walked with there head held high, afraid
of nothing. They were truly devoted to defending what we so easily
embrace. When we finally made it back inside friendly lines, it was like
Gods angels had followed us all the way back, and were safe and free
from deaths chains. I will never forget that day, or the sound of
bullets breaking the sound barrier as they flew past my head. But I want
you to know, we are grateful for a grateful nation. I will probably get
out of the military, and go on with my life, but those days of glory and
pain will never leave me. I can honestly say that I never thought I
would have been able to go to war, and with out the marines that I
fought beside and held as they breathed through pain of injury I would
not have been able to at all. And last but not least, I want to say
thank you for believing in my. Ever since HS you have let me be a part
of your life not just as a brother, but as a best friend. You truly are
a blessing. Thank you I know this is bunch of random words, but I hope
that you get something out of them. I love you Jones you are my favorite
sister.
Chad

Bella's audiology appointment

So, Bella had her hearing aid ear-mold-making appointment yesterday. It was pretty interesting. Terry and I got there earlier and the audiologist went through the information with us about her hearing loss and all that stuff. She went over bella's specific hearing loss as compared to other kiddos, and then she showed us graphs of it. It was all pretty informative and interested. Finally, Bella got to come into the appointment. Terry keeps insisting that she is ADD (which, I don't think she is!!) and so he brought that up in the conversation no less than 5 times. I was like - lets just see how this hearing aid thing goes, it could solve all of her issues!! I don't want to diagnose her as ADD if she's not (and last time I checked, he didn't have PH.D or MD after his name to do any diagnosis anyway!!)

So, Anyway, Bella picked pink hearing aids and pink ear molds with glitter. LOL. She loves them and can't wait to get them! We're all pretty excited... will post pics soon!!

Bella's School Paper

So, apparently in first grade they start creative writing. My daughter is about as creative as they come - I'm not sure if the paper she wrote is indicitave of bad parenting or bad installation of values, but here is the text of her first paper, on American symbols.

"Bella Hutchinson
Money is my favorite American symbol. Money is something that you pay. I like money because you get food. If you don't get money, you don't get food. Money is a symbol."

It made me laugh, and kinda question my parenting and the culture in general that she thinks MONEY is an American symbol!!! :-) My girl - I love her so much.

I'm so overwhelmed!!! There's so much information and so many different channels to go through when your school-aged child is HH!! I am just starting on the journey and there are a million things to do. I have started speaking with the myriad of people who are involved with "special education" in the school system (there are a bunch of them) and so many people have to be put on the same page, and no one seems to really know how to deal with a child with hearing impairment. Her teacher is not at all informed, so I went to this site - Hands & Voices - and it had so much information for educating teachers and professionals about hearing impairment. I learned alot by downloading their "Mainstreaming Deaf and Hard of Hearing Children" handout - its quite lengthy, but really really helpful. (http://www.handsandvoices.org/pdf/mainst_cal.pdf).

So, I started a binder, per Misty's suggestion (thanks Misty!! :-) ), and it has a bunch of dividers
1. phone logs/contact list - for everyone I talk to about anything related to Bella's HH, with the date I talked to them and notes about our convo
2. School correspondence - I have learned from past experience that just because you talk to someone at the school (or email them) doesn't mean anything at all - they lose it, it doesn't get in the right hands, etc. I'm keeping a paper trail!!
3. School information - for her IEPs and anything the school gives us to sign, etc.
4. Medical information - for her audiograms (is that the right word?) and any information the dr. gives us
5. Notes/misc - for helpful things I pick up along the way
6. State of Tx - for the programs TX offers, application forms, etc.
7. Resources - for handouts like the one above (I made a copy for her teachers and school)
8. Emails, misc - for my papertrail. I have emails from and to the school, plus I have helpful emails like the ones I recieved from you guys in my introduction.

Looks like its going to be a thick binder!!! :-)

I started teaching her sign this weekend - she picks it up quicker than I did!!! :-) She isn't that good at making the signs, but she's excellent at remembering what they are and the quizzes I give her!

Anyway, I thought maybe this would be helpful information for another parent who is starting down the confusing road of getting your DHH kid going on a successful path in school!!

Having a deaf child opens up a whole new world

Super cool simcom video!!


Sia | Soon We'll Be Found from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

This was a really helpful thing I saw posted on another lady's blog about hearing loss vs. ADD... I think it helps explain alot.

And so it continues...

Last month Bella failed her first hearing test. Well, it wasn't her first hearing test, but it was the first one she failed. 3 doctors and multiple tests later, she has bilateral sensorineural hearing loss. We have a long way to go getting all this figured out - how much loss? how much is correctible? should we try to get cochlear implants? how will this affect her life?
MRIs, CAT Scans, ABR tests, and a myriad of other tests will provide us with definitive answers and a solution, of sorts... and in the meantime, I'm.....
Sad
Angry
Confused
Disappointed
Upset
Helpless
Afraid
Relieved...

and a roller coaster of other emotions. I'm so scared for her - how will this change her life? My first reaction was acceptance and immediately springing into action. The more I find out about hearing loss, the more I fear it for her. I think of what this means - she might not hear the cries of her first child when it's born. She won't hear Mozart's Requiem or my voice on the other end of her telephone as she gets older... and that makes me so sad.

I'm a torrent of emotions at this moment, the biggest being grief. She doesn't know, she's only 6, and she can't grieve for herself, but I hurt for her. I'm so afraid of how this is going to change her life and everything brings me to tears. I want to tell everyone and no one. I want the people I tell to react differently somehow, but I'm not sure how. I want to know exactly what this means for her, exactly how this is going to change her life, and none of those questions can be answered. I want to go ballistic on her school for not realizing this sooner, and I'm angry with myself for missing the obviousness of it all.

We are just starting down this road of discovery together, and I'm optimistic for her. I want this to be something that doesn't make her life harder, but that enhances the quilt of her life and makes it something a little bit different.

I have been through alot of things in my life - and I don't see them as bad or good, really... just things that have made me who I am and equpped me for who I would/have become. I believe everything happens for a reason - and I hold onto that belief. That there is a reason, whatever it is, and that everything is as it should be.