talking (myself) down from a ledge

Photo: Hugh Kretchmer

When I was a young girl, I remember telling my mom I wanted to be a pastor. She looked at me, perplexed. "But women can't be pastors of churches, Joni," she said. Undaunted, I said, "Oh, no, that's ok, I don't want to be a church pastor.  I want to be a pastor out there."

If someone would have told me two years ago that I was going to go to seminary, to become a pastor of sorts, to respond to a call to the ministry, I would have laughed and told them they were crazy. Nothing was further from my mind than pursuing a call to ministry. To me, that meant being a pastor in a church, trying to hide my imperfect life with a perfect facade.  My version of "full-time ministry" was created entirely on disillusion, disappointment, and fear.

One of my application essays to seminary was "Explain your call to the ministry." It took me aback. My call to the ministry? No, that's not what I was doing. I was just wanting to get my Masters in Divinity so I can be a real Chaplain and help people spiritually as well as emotionally! Call to ministry seems like strong language to use for my goals!