Coming Soon to a Blog Near You...

I have a few more interviews to wrap up for the bloggy part of my Protestant Christian experience (as opposed to the book part - those interviews will continue for a while on ALL religions) and then, on Monday March 11, I'm on to Mormonism! I'm pretty excited about Mormonism because I have some fabulous women to interview and I'm even having a couple of guest post-ers who (I think) you'll find relevant and inspiring, not the least of which is Lindsey Parker Williams of Nuclear Family Meltdown, Emily of Lioness at the Gate, and a couple I'm saving for a surprise! (Oh, goody! I love surprises!)

the journey

This video was debuted at TEDActive 2011. If you don't know about TED, well, all I can say is you're really missing something big. HUGE. Ginormous.
No, really.
Check TED: Ideas Worth Spreading out - they have a collection of amazing, moving, inspiring, impossibly human videos that will make you pinch yourself with delight that you have opposable thumbs and can operate a keyboard.

own [your] story - a story from a reader

I received an email from a reader who’s sister shared my “Shame – its what’s for dinner” blog with her. She is a Christian and wanted to share her perspective on shame, grace, and learning to let go. Brene Brown (I know, I’ve been preaching the gospel of Brene Brown a lot for the past few days) talks about “owning your story” and how when you tell your story to a non-judgmental audience, shame can’t disable your spirit.

vulnerability has a face [and it is beautiful]

About a month or so ago, I met a girl named April when I attended Whosoever Dallas. I was there *I thought* just to interview a few Christian ladies about their relationship with God.

I went in with a whole set of preconceived notions about what I would find there:
I expected "Super Christians" - women with issues who pretended they were perfect, fear and insecurity lacquered over by a thin layer of pink glitter nail polish...

Shame – it’s what’s for dinner (at my house, anyway)

As some of you know, I’ve recently discovered Dr. Brene Brown (aka the Albert Einstien of the 21st century). She has a Ph.D. in Social Work and has spent her life studying shame, vulnerability, fear… basically all the things that get in the way of happiness, joy, and abundant life.

I’ve spent the past few weeks listening to her talks and reading her books and, well, dealing with my own shame. I’ve been, as Dr. Brown says, “wading in the swampland of the soul,” ...

meltdown on aisle 3 - parenting and Christianity

Attention Walmart Customers. We have a meltdown in aisle three. A meltdown in aisle three. Make that aisle four. She's moving through pretty quick - watch your step, it may be slippery!

To borrow my friend Lindsey's phrase, yesterday we had a Nuclear Family Meltdown. It was an F-5. It was off the Richter scale. It was catastrophic. It was in Walmart.

best friends are for coming undone

Just an aside to mention that best friends are incredibly precious. An email exchange between my best friend and I today... God gave me her for a reason. She's gets me!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

From: Her
Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 3:21 PM
To: Me
Subject: coming undone day

this is coming undone day.
more later.
i'm still sick. new antibiotics.
internet broken again.
long wasted day.
watched eat pray love last night.
big mistake.
not because of the man, because of the girl.
because of the beautiful places.
because i am tired of my life being so hard
because i make it that way.

From: Me
Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 3:40 PM
To: Her
Subject: RE: coming undone day

Oh no, she’s come undone!
Someone should tell her
That her parts and pieces are hanging out all over the place
Things showing that aren’t supposed to
And bits that should show are
hidden under her exposed vulnerability…..

the [big] stuff and women's issues in christianity

The big things.

Protestant Christians differentiate themselves from the world at large by their belief in Jesus Christ. Not only their believe in Jesus Christ, but their belief in his resurrection, his diety, and his membership in the Trinity.

The Trinity is a point that is oft misunderstood by non-Christians. In layman's terms, the Trinity is basically the concept of God being three parts in one.

still need women interested in contributing....

I am on the tail-end of evangelical Christianity, and looking for my next set of women to interview! If you're interested in being involved in my project, please let me know at jonikmartin@yahoo.com

wild and precious life...

One of my favorite poets is Mary Oliver, who says "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" It is the only question I leave with you today... a question and a poem by the same, about the journey: mine, yours, ours:

on "hearing" God

Listening to God is a sensitive subject. Last night, at Whosoever Dallas, they were doing a study of Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. If you have been in the Evangelical Christian church for any length of time, you have either done this study or you have heard of it – it is a foundational, elemental study that has been widely recommended and used throughout the Christian church.


I need to preface my comments – my dissidence – by saying it is NOT a bad study, and I am not discounting the wisdom in Mr. Blackaby’s theology.

Listening to the voice of God, I have learned through trial and error (mostly error) is something that is learned. It is not a voice that comes out of nowhere and it is not a thundering sound in your ears, ((most of the time)). The voice of God is different for everyone in their experience. The voice of God can be missed, especially if you’re listening for something else.

on prayer, ritual, and relationship

Prayer. Arguably the most important practice in Christianity. Arguably the most forsaken.

Prayer is how you become a Christian to begin with, right?

I remember the day I accepted Jesus into my heart, as a five year old, praying with my Sunday school teacher, Ms. Sanders. She asked us if we wanted to receive Jesus and I was so eager to please Jesus, so eager to please Ms. Sanders. I wanted them (Jesus and Ms. Sanders) to be happy with me and think that I was a good girl, and I raised my hand.

ashes - as I was leaving

Last thoughts on my silent weekend.

After facing my biggest fear, of being alone with myself and hearing my thoughts, I decided that on my way home, I had one skeleton in my closet to face: my home town. While the town itself is not evil or bad, I associate it with all of the pain that I carried during my life. I made a slight (100 mile) detour on my way home from the retreat, full of peace, yet apprehensive of  facing all of the shadows that darkened my world for so long.

the secret: you are [that]. i am too.

"Tat tvam asi"

Literally translated from Sanscrit, it means interchangeably “Thou art that” and “That art thou.”   

It is generally taken to mean that your soul or consciousness is wholly or partially the Ultimate Reality [God]. That is to say, even before the creation of the universe, a unitary, divine consciousness existed, and that this consciousness is identical to your deepest self…it is the relationship between the individual and the absolute. (Encyclopedia Brittanica, Global Oneness)

weekend of silence

As I mentioned, I have given up "distractions" for Lent. Not so that I can quit my life, but so that I can see if, somewhere amid the flurry of my busy life and projects and thoughts, there is peace. And if there is not peace, to find it. To that end, I gave up facebook (except to post my blog), I gave up checking my email every 5 minutes, spending all of my free hours surrounded by people and light and sound.

Siddhayatan

ugly words [or] god is not a rapist

RAPE.

It’s an ugly word. It hurts coming out of my mouth. It elicits a visceral response, a bitter taste on the back of my tongue.

But it is how I would describe my first experiences with the church.

I was raped as a child. Someone took my innocence and my trust and they replaced it with cowering fear.

I was raped  spiritually and emotionally and mentally.

My own power was taken from me and in its place, the power of Someone Else took over, and that “someone else” was the Church.

But the worst rape I experienced was the rape of my perception of God.

shame (sssshhhhhh! we don't talk about that)

What IF...
...we lived our lives with authenticity? What if we weren't afraid to face those forces that motivate us? What if we looked at Shame in the face and defied its hold on our lives?

What if we simply acknowledged shame exists?

Shame is something everyone has. It is the most primitive human emotion. It is that voice that tells us we aren't good enough (pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough), so we try to be everything to everyone, we try to be perfect wives, perfect mothers, perfectly balanced inside and out.

she's not crazy! she's my MOTHER!!

a lighter Lent piece, I wrote in 2009....




My beautiful Mom

 “I gave up meat for Lent,” my mother told me. This caused me to raise my eyebrows for a couple of reasons. One, she said this as she was dipping catfish in tartar sauce. The other insignificant detail is that my mother is not Catholic – although, this has not prevented her from giving up things for Lent in the past: the year before last she gave up dating for Lent. The year before that, she gave up chocolate. The year before that I think she gave up caffiene (that lasted approximately 4 hours). Lent is an excuse for giving something up. And making yourself feel better.

a parable of love

Over the next few weeks, I am giving up "distractions" for Lent. I will be writing and posting and putting my blog on facebook, but I won't be interacting as much as normal, for a reason: I am trying to learn to be LOVED. To be vulnerable, to face my shame, to feel fear and sit with it. This is an introduction to my Lent perspective, and maybe a little glimpse into what God is telling me in my own life.

radical honesty - a recap of my christian journey

In 2007, I "broke up" with God and the Church. I was really angry with Christians. Everywhere I looked, I saw stereotypes reinforced - "judgers", "hypocrites", "liars", "hurt people", "manipulators"... But here's the thing about stereotypes: if you look hard enough, you will always find the reason they started to begin with. It doesn’t make them right.

trusting God (christianity - week 2)

TRUST. It is a foundational word in Christianity, right up there next to “faith” and “love” and “forgiveness.” …AND it is definitely a word I take issue with.

Lent - just to BE

Every year I give up something for Lent. It may be something as small as coffee (ok, that’s huge for me), or something like negativity. This year I’m giving up people, in a way. Allow me to explain.

I have this need – not all people will understand – to be around people, to always have some human interaction in my environment. In short, 

I fear being alone with myself.