Over the next few weeks, I am giving up "distractions" for Lent. I will be writing and posting and putting my blog on facebook, but I won't be interacting as much as normal, for a reason: I am trying to learn to be LOVED. To be vulnerable, to face my shame, to feel fear and sit with it. This is an introduction to my Lent perspective, and maybe a little glimpse into what God is telling me in my own life.
Tell me you love me, she begged.
He smiled and said, you’re my favorite girl.
But tell me you love me, she whined.
He kissed her on the nose, chaste, and said, I only want you.
I need to hear the words!! she demanded, she railed, she raged.
It’s always been you, he said simply, and enveloped her in his arms.
Show me you love me, she cried, as a thin line sliced on pure white skin went red.
His eyes filled with tears. Your pain hurts me, he said.
Show me you love me, she cried, as she threw herself into his arms.
You are safe here, he replied.
i love you, she said, as she held out her arms to keep a safe distance.
i love you, she smiled, as she showed him her scars.
i love you, she laughed, locking her heart up tight in a box,
...And he just smiled, and gave her his own beating heart.
What is this? She asked. It is messy, and it is slimy and it is beating a rhythm I don’t know.
And she gave it back.
He gave her his heart again, and she looked at it in disgust.
What is this? It is small and looks weak and it’s not shiny anymore.
And she gave it back.
He gave her his heart again, and she set it on the table
Tucked beside her bed, and looked in his eyes.
Tell me you love me, she said. He just smiled, full of pain.
At night she gave up her defenses,
sinking into sleep, she soundlessly dreamt
of wild beauty and painted desert skies,
And her lips parted slightly, she received his kiss, unconscious
and he said, I love you.
At night, she was peaceful, open, always sleeping next to his heart.
She took off her armor, and fell into the arms of the night, vulnerable,
He kissed her closed eyelids and whispered, I love you.
In midnight stillness, her breath heavy and even,
He sat watchful on her bed, sword drawn
fighting the dragons who haunted her by day
all night while she slept.
And looking at her safely sleeping, sang, I love you.
Say that you love me, she demanded, grasping his heart in her hands
Show me you love me, she pouted, squeezing his heart so the beats came hard and painful
Give me your heart, she insisted, and he took her hands in his.
I love you, he said quietly. I always have.
Why did it take you so long to say it then? She asked, bewildered and uncertain.
I’ve been telling you for years that I love you (with more than just words)...
you just never heard me.
***
Tell me you love me, she begged.
He smiled and said, you’re my favorite girl.
But tell me you love me, she whined.
He kissed her on the nose, chaste, and said, I only want you.
I need to hear the words!! she demanded, she railed, she raged.
It’s always been you, he said simply, and enveloped her in his arms.
Show me you love me, she cried, as a thin line sliced on pure white skin went red.
His eyes filled with tears. Your pain hurts me, he said.
Show me you love me, she cried, as she threw herself into his arms.
You are safe here, he replied.
i love you, she said, as she held out her arms to keep a safe distance.
i love you, she smiled, as she showed him her scars.
i love you, she laughed, locking her heart up tight in a box,
...And he just smiled, and gave her his own beating heart.
What is this? She asked. It is messy, and it is slimy and it is beating a rhythm I don’t know.
And she gave it back.
He gave her his heart again, and she looked at it in disgust.
What is this? It is small and looks weak and it’s not shiny anymore.
And she gave it back.
He gave her his heart again, and she set it on the table
Tucked beside her bed, and looked in his eyes.
Tell me you love me, she said. He just smiled, full of pain.
At night she gave up her defenses,
sinking into sleep, she soundlessly dreamt
of wild beauty and painted desert skies,
And her lips parted slightly, she received his kiss, unconscious
and he said, I love you.
At night, she was peaceful, open, always sleeping next to his heart.
She took off her armor, and fell into the arms of the night, vulnerable,
He kissed her closed eyelids and whispered, I love you.
In midnight stillness, her breath heavy and even,
He sat watchful on her bed, sword drawn
fighting the dragons who haunted her by day
all night while she slept.
And looking at her safely sleeping, sang, I love you.
Say that you love me, she demanded, grasping his heart in her hands
Show me you love me, she pouted, squeezing his heart so the beats came hard and painful
Give me your heart, she insisted, and he took her hands in his.
I love you, he said quietly. I always have.
Why did it take you so long to say it then? She asked, bewildered and uncertain.
I’ve been telling you for years that I love you (with more than just words)...
you just never heard me.
Oh this is just beautiful! Great, great, great and wonderful imagery. Learning how to accept love can be hard. You can do it! You deserve it!
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