Day 3 - About Me

I feel like I should go back and address why I'm doing this project on a personal level. I am very interested in all of the parts and pieces and theoretical that I have mentioned, but in addition to that, this is a very personal spiritual journey for me.

Raised Christian in a deeply religious family and community,  I learned from an early age to reject those things that were not like me. Remember the Sesame Street bit "One of these things is not like the others"? I saw one perspective of God and all the other perspectives were dismissed as "Wrong."

I think people may get the idea that I am angry with all Christians or that I need to bad-mouth them out of some revenge for wrongs against me, and while I have been hurt many many times by Christians in my life, I do not blame that choice on their religion. They are simply human beings, making poor choices, probably out of pain. My pastor used to say "Hurt people hurt people" and that rings true for me.

Personally, I feel that I have witnessed too many Christians (myself included) using Christianity, being "right", "God's Will" and the "great commission" as an excuse to feel validated and purposeful in their existence. At its worst, we Christians have used these things to gain power, prestige, and to rule over other people and take away their freedoms. While we are not the only people in the world who are hurting others in an effort to ease our own insecurity, I feel that we, as Christians, need to take responsibility for the failure to give love, grace and acceptance to the people around us. The Christian faith is not about judgment, it is about Grace. It is not about hatred, or separation or discrimination, it is about Love. I am not the first one to say this, but it bears repeating.

That being said, I tend to believe that the path to God is not so narrow as anyone would have us believe. If God created us for relationship, and desires us to know him and see him, I wonder that he would make it so difficult and tedious to reach him.

I also have begun to feel over the years that, although my context of God is different than others, perhaps it is possible that I am not seeing the whole picture. Maybe I'm just seeing a little piece, and there is another piece that someone else sees, and another that a third person sees.

It made me wonder, how their perspective of God changed who they are - because my perspective of God definitely changed me, but what if I had seen their perspective? Would it have made me a different person than I am now? I began to plan my journey to see other perspectives of God and one night in the planninng process, I went to bed and had a dream that brought it all together for me:

I’m sitting in a completely empty room, thinking and contemplating about my life. I actually think that this room is my mind, so I'm sitting in my own mind. I’m remembering the past three years. Not the literal past three years, more the past three portions of my life:

I am remembering the first year, which I spent searching for God in church. I went to Christian churches and I followed my traditions, and I searched for him. I had the feeling that I found a part of him there, but it was an incomplete picture.

The second year, I searched for him all over the world, in temples of other religions. I was looking for him in faces and places of worship everywhere else in the world, and I found a part of him there, but again, an incomplete picture.

The last year, I was alone with myself. I remember thinking this was the most uncomfortable time for me – being alone with my thoughts, with myself, with my past. I found him there too, in a personal accessible way.

As I pulled out of the room of my mind, thinking about the things I had seen, and the places I had gone to search for God, I looked back on the room that was my mind. I saw myself sitting in the floor, surrounded by a circle. The circle was like a flow-chart circle with three different sections, but all connected. And I saw year one, year two and year three like a cycle. And the thing is, in each section, I did not find a complete picture of God, but together, I saw a circle and a complete picture of myself and God, and what it was supposed to be for ME.

Today, as an American woman, I find myself in a paradigm of existence. The "traditional woman" - the stay at home, "Christian" wife and mother - vs. the "empowered woman" who is apparently put into another box - the box that says, to be empowered and successful, you must have a high-powered career, beat men, have degree(s), have a family with well-balanced children, and be an amazing wife, lover, friend, as well as take over the world. neither of these sit with me.

I am a proponent of dreams.

Of seeking truth.

Of believing in destiny.

And it is my hope that through this project, I (and maybe someone else) will see more of God, and perhaps more of themself as a woman.

Day 2 - Note on Making Religion Accessible

When I was considering what religions to explore, I decided to go with the largest six religious groups in the US. It seemed the only fair thing to do, considering that we in the US have at least 313 religions actively practiced, according to an independent study performed by the Graduate Center of the City University of New York (the study can be found here: http://www.gc.cuny.edu/faculty/research_briefs/aris.pdf) . 85% of households identified themselves as religious. Of those 85%:
more than 90% identified themselves as Christian (including Catholic, Mormon, and Jehovah's Witness)
1.7% suscribed to Judaism as their religious preference
0.7% were Muslim
0.6% were Buddhist
0.5% were Hindu
and 0.4% were Unitarian

Those were the top 6, and definitely the most prevalent accross the nation.

I set out to find out some information about these religions, and, because I really prefer books, I went online to see what I could find. I wondered how these religions get their information out there: is it purely online? Can I order materials from their websites? And will it be free or inexpensive? Because this could get expensive.

The first one I went to, even though it wasn't on my list, was Scientology. Scientology had a bad rap, from what I could tell - full of "crazy people who do bizarre things and believe in aliens." Their book had to be pretty good.  The scientologists did offer one free book on their website: A catalog, out of which you can order their extensive library. Must reads for beginners: Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, the flagship book of Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard. $20 on the scientology.org website. There were 8 more books on the beginners reading list for Scientology. Thats...$140 to be a beginner Scientologist.

Mormonism was my second stop, and they offered a free book of Mormon, which I quickly signed up for. They also offered personal delivery of the book, which I wished I could opt out of, but didn't have the option.

Interested to see if my own religion offered any free books, at least a free Bible maybe, I searched for a Christianity website. I found an article on about.com titled "How to get a free Bible" (without stealing it from a hotel room). There were a couple websites that offered copies of the Bible for free including freebibles.net  and freebiblesociety.org. The website also suggested hitting up a local church for a free Bible. I didn't need a Bible, since I have a few around, so I moved on.

When I arrived at why-islam.org, I found to my delight a completely free welcome-packet for new or prospective Muslims. I signed up immediately. A few days later, I recieved my packet, and it was in a huge box. My box included: 7 books on Islam, a Qu'ran, a prayer rug, a head scarf, a magazine, and some other handouts. WOW. I was overwhelmed and I hadn't even started!

I think marketing the religion and making it accessible to people - particularly young people on the internet - is important in growing your religion. In my opinion, I don't know how else you do it, to reach my generation and those younger than me.

Day 2 - Whats that? Its a muslim on a moped!




If only I could capture the looks on people's faces when they see me around town. Although my Muslim friends say that they don't notice the stares and the general feeling of alienation that I am feeling on Day 2 of my 30 Days of Islam, I find it hard to imagine getting used to this.

Getting gas, a man dressed like a homeless person and driving an Acura stared at me for a full minute before walking around the gas pump to get a better view.

At the costume shop with my best friend, the cashier noted the irony of my "looking for a costume" when my religion comes equipped with one.

At lunch, the waitress conspicuously avoided eye contact, and the manager talked to the window above my head. Actually, that may have been polite, since technically Muslim women shouldn't make eye-contact with men anyway.

And the looks when I'm riding Clementine? Well... as you can see above, I stick out anyway riding an orange scooter, but with my hijab I'm followed like a rock star! Rock on!

Day 2

After my initial conversation with my boss (pre-day 1), we had a follow-up conversation. I asked the obvious questions:
"Are you telling me that we wouldn't hire a Muslim who wore a head covering?"
Well, I'm not saying that exactly, I'm saying that we would have a choice if they wore a headcovering to the interview, and we would know if we hired them what they would be wearing to work. Its the same with people who don't shave their beards for religious reasons. We have a choice when we interview them, and if we know they won't comply with our policy, it is our choice not to hire them.

"So, if I converted to Islam? I couldn't wear my head covering to work?"
Well, I guess if you converted, there's not much we could do about it. I just don't understand why you can't just change your project. Do it on aging and femininity or something.

Really. Not much you could do about it? I'd say so. This IS 2010, after all! And changing my project because you feel uncomfortable seeing me in a hijab after six months of planning? I don't think so.

Respectfully, however, there are obvious inconsistencies in your ruling:

• Every year, we have an office Thanksgiving and Christmas party. You say a prayer before the meal at both occassions. Most of the time you end that prayer with "in Jesus name, Amen."
• We line up an employee or employee's wife to pray before our Company-wide convention every year.
• We set up a Christmas tree in our office every year the day after Thanksgiving.
• You send out messages to employees every day, and many times those are religion-related.

What I see here is a duplicious attitude. I am not allowed to wear a head covering which does not distract from my job performance, and does not impede my productivity. However, celebrating Christian holidays, wasting company time praying and setting up a Christmas tree - these things do indeed distract the office and impede productivity. I am not opposed to these things myself, but I am opposed to the attitude of discrimination you are portraying  as our company policy. The thing is, Mr. Boss Man, I am part of the majority. I have spent my life calling myself a Christian. But that doesn't mean that I can prohibit the rights of others to practice their own beliefs!

On another note, I went to lunch today and noted an interesting phenomenon. People don't make eye-contact with me. Not that they are mean to me, or rude, or anything, but they won't look at me. In a party with my two co-workers, the waitress looked at them, but not at me. I was wondering why that is and the only thing I came up with is the fact that they are overcompensating for not staring by not looking at all.

My friends and family have had mixed reactions. I come from a military family, both my brothers are Marines who have served in the current War on Terror, and have been shipped overseas to Iraq three times each. I am myself former military, although I never served overseas. I come from a Patriotic family, and I am very Patriotic and supportive of our military. I expected the worst when I told my brothers, my mom and my dad about the experiment. Their first reaction was rather what I expected: disbelief, anger, incredulity, thinking I was crazy. However, when I explained the project, my family understood and came around to my perspective. They are very supportive of me.

My friends have had mixed reactions as well. I get alot of well-meaners telling me that Islam treats women poorly, Islam is responsible for 9/11, Islam is evil... and I understand their perspectives. I have some of the same questions, and have been asking my Muslim friends the same. However, I know, as an educated Christian, I have seen scriptures in the Bible that directly promote violence toward other religions. Taken out of context, they promote murdering homosexuals, killing people of other faiths, and enslaving women and children. This is in the Christian Bible. Is it surprising that the Qu'ran has a few of its own "violent" scriptures?

But these are all pre-conceptions I will be studying as I learn more about this religion and immerse myself into its culture.

Day 1

Me in hijab, Day 1

I was pretty much still outraged when I got to work today regarding my boss's insensitivity to my religious freedom. (Religious freedom? Oh, right, that means you can be a Christian; or you can not be a Christian but still SAY you're a Christian; or it means you can just not say anything.)

I told my co-worker, who asked where my hijab was this morning that I wasn't allowed to wear it to work, per the boss's orders. Her jaw dropped. "Not allowed?? How can he not allow you to wear a head covering? Do we have a policy on that?"

Yes, as Director of Human Resources at one of the largest employers in Tarrant County, I see the irony in this situation.

No, we do NOT have a policy on head coverings, and while I'm still the person in charge of putting together the policy manual, we won't. (Not to mention the obvious illegalities involved in such a policy.)

I went to Kohls during lunch and as I was checking out, noted that the couple in line behind me kept their distance. And "All-American" couple, the husband, I would guess, was present or former military. The wife, a petite blonde and the daughter, a cutie with a pink dress on, purposefully avoided my glance. They stood at least a car length behind me, as if Islam is contagious or something! It made me smile on my way out.

Other things that made me smile today:
1. Riding Clementine (my scooter) with a hijab. Its tricky to keep that thing down, let me tell you. And I can only imagine how silly I look with my bobble head helmet and my scarf flying behind me like a cape.
2. Going to Walmart. The Cashier was convinced she knew me from somewhere. It took all of my personal fortitude to prevent myself from saying "Oh, its the head covering. We all look alike in these things." HA.

Finally, a few random facts about Islam:
1. Muslims don't eat pork. While this is widely known, it is less widely known that they also don't eat lions or alligators, or anything carnivorous. Also pepperoni (pork), bacon (also pork, sadly), and sausage. And jello. And marshmellows (except halaal versions). I bet you didn't know jello and marshmellows had pork in them, did you? Check the package!
2. Islam was founded about 600 years after Christianity. This was a surprise to me because I figured it predated Christianity since they trace their original lineage back to Ishmael, the brother of Isaac. But the actual religion was founded by Mohammad in around 610-622 AD.
3. Islam is competing with Mormonism for the fastest growing religion in the United States.

I think its unfortunate, in a country that so values freedom and personal liberty, that Muslims are the one group in the United States that it is widely accepted to discriminate against and stereotype.

More on Day 2, I'm exhausted! :-)

The Day Before Day 1

I decided to tackle Islam in my first set of thirty days.

A typical American Muslim woman dresses something like this:

...that is to say, exactly like ME, except with a head covering, and making sure that they are modest and covered. In North Richland Hills, Texas, it is fairly rare to see a Muslim woman. It happens from time to time, but this town is a stud on the Bible belt. Other areas of the metroplex (like North Dallas) have larger populations of Muslims, but here in North Richland hills, and really, in Tarrant County as a whole, there is not a large visible population of Muslims.

Understanding this, I debated whether I should tell my co-workers what to expect and why I was showing up dressed differently.

Negatives of informing my co-workers:
1. They don’t take my experiment seriously.
2. I don’t get an authentic reaction (as a new Muslim convert might) therefore I’m missing the point (and the reason) I’m dressing as a Muslim to begin with.

Positives of informing my co-workers:
1. They don’t think I’m crazy, showing up one day with a head-covering
2. I don’t have to explain the experiment eighteen times to different people
3. They don’t think I’m a religious flake (when I stop being Muslim in a month)

I decided to tell my co-workers. The day before my experiment began, I sent an email to them and my boss letting them know that I would be wearing a hijab to work the following day. It went something like this:

As most of you know, I write quite a lot in my spare time. I am doing some research for a project I’m working on about how people’s religious beliefs influence their lives, specifically how religion impacts women in all phases of life in American culture. Tomorrow, I will begin an experiment. During this experiment, I will be living as a traditional Muslim woman, including wearing the clothing that a traditional Muslim woman wears.

This research will last for 30 days (starting tomorrow). During that time, you can expect to see me in the hijab, which is a traditional head covering (without a face cover –not a burka), and more modest clothing than I usually wear. Other than that, there will be no major changes that you notice. I was just letting you know so that I didn’t catch anyone off guard.

After a ten minute pause, my boss called me to his office.

“What is this experiment you’re doing?” he asked, looking perturbed.

I explained that I was going to be experiencing other religions for thirty days each, immersing myself in the religion, and talking to women about their experiences with each religion, then writing about it.

He looks angry. This is not good.

“Is this going to be a problem?” I asked (obviously a rhetorical question).

He wanted to know why I had sent the email to the whole office without talking to him first. He wanted to know what the “costume” would look like, and if the next six months would be me parading around the office in different “costumes”. His questions in rapid-fire, I could see a wall going up before my eyes. He was not angry, he was offended.

I sat in shocked silence for a second before I even justified his comment with a response. “A COSTUME?” I said. “An hijab is not exactly a costume, it is a piece of clothing worn out of respect and relationship with God in the Islam faith. Is there a company policy on head coverings that I don’t know about?”

There was no policy, however, there WAS a policy on beards and one on blue jeans, and he quickly told me that anyone could say they are “doing an experiment” on beards and blue jeans, or anything else, and try to wear that to work. This would be unacceptable. He believed that my hijab was an open door to mass chaos at work. He told me he would get back to me with his decision on my head covering.

His decision?? I have to say, I never considered the idea of even asking his permission, or whether he would actually have a choice on whether I would wear a head covering. I never thought it would be a problem and I was surprised at his resistance. We are a relatively open-minded and diverse company! He prays before company dinners, and I know that his religion (Christianity) is very important to him, but I never expected him to react with such venom to another religion in our office.

An hour later I received a text from him:
“After further consideration, please do not deviate from regular business attire at work.”

Day 1 has not arrived, I have not donned my hijab, and already I have been humiliated and discriminated against. I can see this will be fun.

Why I am doing this project...

I wear a cross. It is about one inch tall and 3/4 inch wide. It is silver and hangs on a silver chain. Outside of that cross, no one could look at me and say "Oh, that is a Christian. She believes in God. She accepted Jesus as her Savior. She is in a current, ongoing relationship with God." Even with the cross, most people wouldn't jump to that conclusion because this is America. Land of the free, home of the brave, and welcoming to everyone. But mostly, this is America, a majority Christian nation. And a cross around my neck on a silver chain is an accessory.

Growing up with my parents in ministry, and being in church leadership myself, I have never had to wear my religion on the outside. I have never been criticized for being Christian. However, my spiritual experience has influenced me as a woman. I percieve the world differently because of my religious upbringing, because of the spiritual beliefs I have held for so many years. Maybe not all Christians are like I am, but I have been brought up to believe that Christians hold the patent on "right", and everyone else can literally "go to hell." I mean, to dig down deeper, even Christian subcultures are condemned within the larger, mostly Protestant, Christian community I have experienced. (Again, not speaking for everyone here, just myself.)

This brought to mind some questions for me, in the arena of spirituality and being a woman:
How DO our spiritual and religious beliefs impact us as women?
How do they change our perceptions of the world around us?
Are those impacts the same accross the board, regardless of what religion you choose?
Are we all experiencing the same thing in a different environment?
And, more importantly, are we all experiencing the same God in a different context?

I am currently doing an experiment. Call it research for my next writing project. Call it research into women's belief systems and humanity in general. Call it research into my own core belief system. For the next few months, I will be speaking to women from all walks of life, from all ages and races, and from all religions about why they made the spiritual choice they made, in hopes of finding out specifically how religion impacts women in all phases of life in American culture.

As part of this project, I will be living the religions I am studying. Not to say I'm going to convert to Judaism, or Islam, or Buddhism for 30 days a piece, but to say that, as I worship my God and Creator, I hope to experience Him in a different way by seeing him from the perspective of others. Because all of these religions I will be looking at worship one God, and from the looks of it, it is the God who created the world, the God who made Adam and Eve... and last time I checked, that was MY God.

Talking to other women, experiencing their level of devotion and discipline in their relationship with God, whether I pray to their God or mine, will help me better understand my God, I think, and will give me a better picture of what truly empowers women around this country about their spirituality.

The first 30 days of this experiment will be Islam, and I will be living as a traditional Muslim woman - observing prayer times, wearing the hijab, and abstaining from alcohol and pork products. I have never worn my religion on the outside. I have never been judged on site by the majority of the people I come in contact with. Heck, I have never been a minority! I will be talking to Muslim women about their perspective on God and how it shapes them. After Islam, I plan to explore the other 5 major religions within American culture.

I don't know what will happen after that. Maybe I will have achieved enlightenment. LOL. Maybe I will have made everyone around me think that I'm completely nuts (now THAT one isn't too far off). Maybe I just will have made alot of people mad.

But, I welcome your input and opinions. I welcome your questions and insights. I am interested in hearing most about your perspective on God... because, after all, that is what this is all about.

As an afterthought and to address a question I would have asked myself  - I realize that religion and relationship with God are not synonymous. I know that you can not be a Christian, but go to church. I realize that you can wear a wedding ring and not respect or live within the confines of a marriage... my point is that in this nation, the majority of people who claim to have a relationship with God do so within the context of "religion" as I have done, in Christianity. Therefore, as a point of reference, I am using religion as my medium to understand cultural and personal perspectives of God, in different contexts than my own.

Additionally, I never write about things that don't move me personally, but this is about women as a whole, and about our experiences as American women, not about myself as much, or my own search, although searching myself is intrinsic in connecting with women in different religious cultures.

Before the project was concieved

Words form the world we live in. They change our perceptions, our ideals, our opinions, our belief systems. They mold us from our very core into what we are. They can humiliate, build relationships and mend broken ones, educate or brainwash. They can kill, wound, judge, promote, persuade, give life, mitigate, correct, or stereotype.

Words have always held the power of creation.

The idea for this project was brought to me by some books I was reading. I read a book called The Fourty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak about a sect of Islam called Sufism. It was the first I had read of Islam, and I was surprised to read her descriptions of Rumi's devotion to God, and the spiritual path he travelled in learning to love God with abandon.

My writing is heavily influenced by what is going on in my life, and what I am passionate about. At the time I started considering this project, I was going through what I considered a early-mid-life crisis, searching for my purpose in life and realizing that everything came back to helping and empowering women through words.

This project is about my personal journey.