Balance? What balance??

I recieved this email today:

Hi Joni,
I am one of the authors from EmpoweringLDSWomen.blogspot.com, and we're collecting guest posts from various inspiring mothers discussing how they are able to find balance in motherhood. We're posting these stories in a blog series the week before Mother's Day. Would you be willing to participate and write about how as a mother you are able to balance the many constraints on your time and still find time to do things that are rejuvenating for you? If so, we’d like your post to include the following things:

1. An introduction with some personal information about you and your family (it doesn’t have to be very detailed).
2. At least one picture if possible.
3. A discussion about things that demand your time in a typical daily/weekly schedule, as well as any long-term time constraints you have dealt with (e.g. how you balanced pursuing an education with starting a family, etc).
4. Most importantly, as you deal with all the different demands of Motherhood, how are you able to follow Elder Ballard’s advice to “find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests,” while not getting caught up in “time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet”?

Thanks also for the inspiring insights you always share on your blog. I'm still fairly new at this, and I look forward to hopefully getting to know you better.

Although I had to politely decline the invitation, due to the fact that I'm not LDS and I haven't the faintest idea who Elder Ballard is, I thought I would like to write the article anyway.

How to be a Muslim, Mormon, or Christian for 30 days!!

When I interviewed Emily about Mormonism here for my blog, she also included an interesting side note. She saw that I had practiced Islam for 30 days, and added at the end of the interview what I would need to do to practice Mormonism for 30 days as well! This was such a great idea, that I am posting it here for all to see. As a refresher, I'm also posting what would need to be done as an Evangelical Christian as well as what would need to be done as a Muslim. It's interesting to see the differences! :)

Mormonism - Donna's Story: Baptist, Mormon, love, and 2 packs a day

I met Donna at a water-birth movie night. I know, it sounds horrifying, and believe me, it was only slightly less horrifying than it sounds. (Read: A lot of cloudy water involved, but with the reward of seeing a tiny scrunched up baby at the end coming out of the water all pretty and stuff.)
I assumed Donna was a doula or a midwife, and I think she may have assumed I was pregnant, and we started talking. She is so down to earth and real and authentic, I took to her right away! I asked her if she had a water birth, and I think she said something to the effect of: "Yeah, and it was the worst birth ever. Water birth is so not my thing." Which is when I asked her if she was a midwife and she laughed at me. "Are you kidding me?" she said. "I'm a childbirth educator! I don't DO births."
Donna has a refreshing, honest and sincere voice and I was so glad when she told me she would happily write up her story for my blog. Thanks Donna, for your story!


This is Donna's story.

I was raised in the Baptist church, but once I was out on my own I rarely attended church. I was 21 when I met the man that would become my husband. He was just 18 and he was a Mormon. It's a wonder he had anything to do with me! It was 1992, I was a 2-pack-a-day smoker and the biggest Madonna-wanna-be you've ever seen!

Do miscarried infants go to heaven and [other] women's issues in LDS

Women's Issues in Mormonism

With each religion I have studied, I have made sure to gather information on important issues to women today. I feel like, as a modern woman, I want to know where my religion stands on issues that are important to me, or that have affected me personally. Issues like miscarriage, abortion and women's right to choose, marriage, divorce and remarriage, and sex...

Miscarriage - although the LDS Church does not appear to have an official stance on miscarriage and stillbirth/infant death, it appears that the general concensus is that babies born without the opportunity for life outside the womb will be waiting in eternity for their families to join them after their earthly lives. Stillborn children cannot be baptized or recieve endowment, and obviously they cannot marry, but it seems that most believe they will join their families in eternal life ever-after:

Michelle's Story - becoming who I am. Mormonism

I happened upon Michelle's blog, Becoming a Queen, a few months ago and was struck by her thoughts on becoming: "In recent months, I have been fascinated with the idea of becoming. By that, I mean the idea of changing and evolving into my full potential. Into something greater than I currently am. I have felt a need to find out what I am really doing here...I realize that just knowing something doesn’t mean I am really living up to my potential and purpose. What is it then, that must be done for me to become who and what I am meant to be? Is it more about changing myself, or is it more about remembering myself? Most likely some of both. Becoming is simply about choices. Every choice we make sends us down the path of becoming. The question is what am I becoming?...I am excited to learn and...become. ((C) Michelle Iverson, Becoming a Queen).

I hope you enjoy hearing her story and I hope you make time to check out her blog. Thank you, Michelle, for your insights and honesty!

This is Michelle's Story.

My name is Michelle Iverson, and I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  We are probably more well known as the Mormons, but that name is not the actual name of our church.

My religious story begins at birth, when I was brought into a warm and loving home.  Both of my parents were already members of the church at that time, my father being a convert at age 17, and my mother having been born into the faith as well.  From the time I was born I was taught the truth about who I am....a child of God.  I was taught of Jesus Christ and his love for me.  I was read to from the Bible, as well as The Book of Mormon, which is another volume of ancient scripture written by the ancient inhabitants of the Americas.  It is another testament of Jesus Christ and his divine role as our Savior and Redeemer.

why i [hate] religion

Scrreeeeech on the breaks, I'm going to take a brief moment to explain something here:

I hate religion.

Yes, its true...Well, its sort of true.

I really don't hate religion, per se, as much as what religion does to me, as a person, and what it does to my relationship with God. Let me explain.

People like me, Joni Martin, curse more often than necessary in traffic.
People like me don't EVER ask ANYONE for ANYTHING. Period. (except maybe an interview!)
People like me are goal and achievement driven and find it hard to accept grace.

Religion says "if I obey, or if I do ______, God will love me."

That is easy for me to accept. Too easy.

Mormonism - Interview with Emily

I found Emily through a series of clicks. It turns out, that is how I find out about a lot of things! I was online looking for local Mormon women groups and happened upon a Mormon women’s magazine where Emily had written an article (read that article HERE). Lioness at the Gate is her blog aimed at encouraging women to maintain their femininity in motherhood and their roles as women. I read some of the posts on her website and decided to email her to see if she would be interested in being interviewed for my project. She is a mom, a wife, and a writer, and is passionate about her religion. Enjoy the interview!

Joni: Before we really get started, I wanted to explain about my project. Basically I am writing about God and women’s perspectives on God and relationship with God (read the whole explanation of my project here). Do you have any opening thoughts on the project or Mormonism?

Emily: I think my initial thoughts on God are that he is our loving Father. In “Mormonism” ((we typically say The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or LDS)), we refer to him as “Heavenly Father” or our “Father in Heaven.”

Recently as I've studied my role as a mother/woman (you can see the results of that on my blog: http://www.latg.blogspot.com/), I realize that if we call him Father, that must be his most important role -- or the one he wants to be known as -- not king or president of the universe or something. If we look at all the good traits of a father, that is what He is. We should be able to turn to Him as we would a good, kind, loving earthly father.

Mormonism - I have a lot to learn

((The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have a long and complicated history in their Book of Mormon that is so completely different from any religion I have been exposed to, I fear I will not do it justice, so I definitely encourage you to do your own research, read the Book of Mormon, visit with the sweet Mormon missionaries who knock on your door, ask questions, and read other literature related to the Mormon church and Mormon history.))

Mormonism began with Joseph Smith. He was, much as Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him), a prophet to a specific group of people: Americans. In this way, the Mormon religion is very much an American religion, although it competes with Islam for the fastest growing religion worldwide.

Mormonism and the LDS Church - Lindsey's Story

I met Lindsey when we went to high school together in Tyler, Tx. Her street dead-ended into mine growing up, so we had the same stomping grounds. I have always admired Lindsey's ability to say exactly what was on her mind without filters - she has changed that a little as she's gotten older (as in, gained more tact!), I think, but it was one of the things I greatly admired about her and one of the things that made me admire her religious beliefs. I am delving into Mormonism starting today, and Lindsey was kind enough to write her story for everyone to read. Her blog Nuclear Family Meltdown never fails to make me laugh, and her authenticity and honesty in how she approaches her life and her writing is inspirational to many! Thanks, Lindsey, for writing about your life! Enjoy!

This is Lindsey’s story.

I am a Mormon woman, but I do not bake fresh bread each morning. My home is not always spotless. I do not always have a smile on my face or a baby in my belly. In fact, my nuclear family of only two children is not typical within my religion, but it works for me. Even though I live in Phoenix ((where the summers, I am convinced, are the exact temperature of Hell)), you will never see me wearing clothes that show 90% of my skin. In fact, you will not even see me wearing a tank top. “Modest is hottest!”

Intro to Mormonism - special underwear, marketing, and how they relate to Christianity

Mormonism. Or, more “correctly” put, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or LDS. It is one of the fastest growing religious groups in the world, and is it any wonder? Who among us hasn’t had a missionary stop by to tell us the gospel of Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith? Who hasn’t teared up during an LDS commercial featuring a sweet family and a touching situation?

I would have to say, of all the religions I’ve studied and continue to study, that the LDS church has, by far, the most advanced and pervasive marketing team I’ve ever seen in a religion! Heck, they even have a website, http://www.mormon.org/, where you can search for people just like you (by age, gender, ethnicity, previous religion, and continent) who are Mormon. You can read their stories and look at videos. Fascinating.

Christianity Wrap-Up V - Katy's Story

This is Katy’s story.

I grew up in a Christian home in Southern California. My dad was a pastor from when I was a baby until about thirteen. I grew up in a family where both my grandfathers were pastors, in fact, pretty much my whole family had lineage of being Protestant Christian except my Grandma. Her parents were Mormon and then converted to Protestant.

My relationship started with God from when I was very young. My parents brought me up in it and when I was five, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. Of course, I didn’t understand it in the context of my own relationship, but I understood it in the context of my parents' relationship with God. For many years, I would rebel, come back to the Lord, rebel, come back to the Lord, because it wasn’t real for me. I think my first real experience with the Lord was when I was seventeen. I was being naughty, sewing wild oats and realized it was not where I wanted to go. I was working through my own relationship with God verses my parents’ relationship with God.

Christianity wap-up IV - Jess's story of worthiness

This is Jess's story.

I was born in a small town in the southeastern corner of Oklahoma.  My mother was 15, and my father just 18 years old.  My mother and father made a great team, they were only married a short time but remained friends and did the best they could to raise me.  My mother worked long hours at Tyson’s hatchery sorting out baby chickens and my father for a local tire shop.  I lived with my mother in a small apartment and had weekend visitations with my father.  Some of my earliest memories are of that apartment.  I spent a lot of time with people from our apartment complex that would babysit me while my mother worked.  Around the age of four and five I was molested.  This was a very confusing time for me.  I believe I started internalizing my feelings around this time.  I did not tell my mother about this until I was 26 years old.  I was afraid of hurting her, or that she would blame herself. .. I do not blame her. 

Christianity Wrap-up, Part III - Tilde's story of resiliance and healing

This is Tilde's story.
I guess for me my whole transformation started back in 1994. I was married in 1991 – I was 23 and my husband was 20. We were in the military, and we were really young, and I had not dealt with a lot of issues that I had growing up as a child. I was molested from the time I was five until the time I was eleven or twelve by multiple people (family members, but not my parents, they had no clue). I really didn’t tell anyone until I was seventeen, and at that time, I just told my mom about one person, not about all of it.

Keeping that to myself was really hard, so it all came out in marriage: being young, and not knowing really how to deal with all that anger and rage and jealousy and insecurity. I could be a really bad wife at times, when that side of me would come out. I hated it.

Christianity Wrap-Up Part II - Dawn's Story [the caretaker]

This is Dawn’s Story.

I’m the oldest of 6 kids and all of those kids are either half siblings or adopted. Obviously, I came from a fractured home, and in my case, it was fractured more than one time.

My mom was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I was born in Houston and when I was about two years old, my mom, who was pregnant at the time with my little sister, left her home under the cover of night, took me and moved with a Marine to California. She had my little sister, then eventually my little brother, and I remember from the time I was about five years old being surrounded by people who were doing drugs, drinking, a lot of sex. I remember seeing my mom on drugs and drunk. I was molested more than one time when I was a kid, just being around all the sexual promiscuity, the drugs, and the alcohol abuse.

Christianity wrap up part I - Story of a Survivor

I had the privilege of interviewing a handful of women who opened up and shared their stories with me on how Christianity has changed their lives. Before I move on to mormonism, I would like to share some of those stories with you. These ladies have given me permission to use their information and have allowed me to give them a voice to speak to the world about their relationship with God, for which I am very grateful. These stories are in their own words.

***

Photo by Mark Cornwell

This is April's story.
When I was younger, I grew up in a Methodist church. I was baptized as a baby, so I wasn’t aware of what was going on or anything like that, my parents raised me in the Methodist church. I had a lot of fun writing notes back and forth to my friends during the service. I wasn’t really engaging at all. I tried to listen to the sermons, but it was just not my thing at all, even when I got older. 

As soon as my folks allowed me to not go to church, I stopped going to church. It wasn’t because I stopped believing in God – there hasn’t been a moment in my life where I didn’t believe in God. I know that that sounds weird to some people, but my parents introduced me to him at such a young age, that out of the gates, I believed in God. Most of that had to do with my mother and how she raised me, how she treated me, and how she had that hopefulness all the time, happiness seemingly all the time.

On finding peace and breathing

I have been "practicing" yoga. Thats what they call it - you don't DO yoga, you practice yoga, I guess because you'll never be perfect, but you'll always be perfecting your practice.

It has been a journey for me spiritually - learning to breathe. Learning to intentionally relax. Overriding my body and forcing it to submit, to stay still, to bend and stretch. The breathing is something I forget alot - funny how you can forget to breathe. When my legs are shaking from holding Warrior Pose (see below)  for long minutes, and my arms are extended and shaking, I look at a point in the room, then my natural reaction is to hold my breath to still myself.
Hold my breath until I can become steady and strong. Hold my breath until I can regain control. Ah, and there we have my control issues.

[in]tolerance in Christianity

Tolerance is not a word that is found in the Bible. Are you surprised?

It is an English word defined in the following way:

tol•er•ance [tol-er-uh ns] –noun
1. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.
2. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.
3. interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.
4. the act or capacity of enduring; endurance: My tolerance of noise is limited.

spiritual sensitivity - angels and demons

I was a spiritually sensitive child, and I am today a spiritually sensitive adult.
My mother used to tell me a story about when I was a small child. My parents had rented a home that was once home to another family. There was a history of abuse in the family, and the story I remember my mother telling me was that the husband had gone to prison for hurting his wife and child. My bedroom door had locks (as in, more than one) on it, and my mother tells me I refused to sleep in it. Instead, I slept in the living room floor or in their bed, or anywhere but my room. My dad would come and pray for me every night before bed so that I didn't have nightmares, and my mom said one night he came to pray for me and when he ended his prayer, I said "Daddy? Who's the pretty lady in that chair?" He looked around, looking for a woman, and saw nothing. "I don't see any lady, where is she?" he said.
"She's over there, in the chair. She's there all the time, but she never told me her name. She's so pretty." I yawned and went to sleep.

gratefulness

I don't take enough time to be grateful for things. I am happy when good things happen to me, and when things are going well, and sometimes I whisper a prayer of thanks for what I have... sometimes when my children are asleep in their beds and I am lying half asleep in my bed, I say thank you out loud for their beauty. Sometimes, when sunshine is out and breeze is stirring, I lift my face to the sky, breathe in the warmth and comfort, and smile my thanks. But I don't practice gratitude regularly.

I don't thank people as often as I should. I often forget to let my co-workers know that I appreciate their efforts along side mine.