Scrreeeeech on the breaks, I'm going to take a brief moment to explain something here:
Yes, its true...Well, its sort of true.
I really don't hate religion, per se, as much as what religion does to me, as a person, and what it does to my relationship with God. Let me explain.
People like me, Joni Martin, curse more often than necessary in traffic.
People like me don't EVER ask ANYONE for ANYTHING. Period. (except maybe an interview!)
People like me are goal and achievement driven and find it hard to accept grace.
Religion says "if I obey, or if I do ______, God will love me."
That is easy for me to accept. Too easy.
It is easy for me to believe God will love me if I do something for him, if I make a difference, if I create a work of beauty, if I follow his laws, if I'm a good person.
But here's the thing: its hard for me to accept GRACE. Its hard for me to come to terms with those words, Grace and Atonement.
And the Christians and the Mormons throw them around like 2 cent suckers from the candy store - GRACE.
What are you talking about, GRACE?
Grace means I can't earn it, and I really, really WANT to earn it.
So thats why I love religion, actually, because religion sets up this obstacle course for me to walk through and if I manage to survive the pummelling and the trick questions and the pit of muddy pirhanas, I get to be with God. Because I EARNED it. I can walk away with a sense of accomplishment.
But its also why I hate religion.
I hate religion because I know too much about God. And the God I know doesn't set up obstacles, he takes them down.
The God I know requires me to ask and then he just does it.
The God I know did it before I even asked.
The God I know doesn't give a flip about my works because he knows I'll never earn it.
And that grace, that atonement, that simple acceptance of a gift that I can never earn is why religion is my nemesis. I hate religion like a crackhead hates crack - because it is addicting to me to measure up and run toward accomplishment and winning. I know that the second I let down my guard, that religion will creep back in and I will fling myself wholeheartedly into it, addicted again to the feeling of knowing exactly what I can expect.
I hate religion because, simply, I love God too much. And he asks me to accept grace that I'll never be able to earn.
So why am I doing this study? Because I want to understand why people label their belief in God with a certain religious title, & how they find the inner strength to accept grace, and how they get past the obstacle course to relationship.
I have a sneaking suspicion its the same way I did - giving up and falling into grace - but I'm going to prove it, one way or another.
I hate religion.
Yes, its true...Well, its sort of true.
I really don't hate religion, per se, as much as what religion does to me, as a person, and what it does to my relationship with God. Let me explain.
People like me, Joni Martin, curse more often than necessary in traffic.
People like me don't EVER ask ANYONE for ANYTHING. Period. (except maybe an interview!)
People like me are goal and achievement driven and find it hard to accept grace.
Religion says "if I obey, or if I do ______, God will love me."
That is easy for me to accept. Too easy.
It is easy for me to believe God will love me if I do something for him, if I make a difference, if I create a work of beauty, if I follow his laws, if I'm a good person.
But here's the thing: its hard for me to accept GRACE. Its hard for me to come to terms with those words, Grace and Atonement.
And the Christians and the Mormons throw them around like 2 cent suckers from the candy store - GRACE.
What are you talking about, GRACE?
Grace means I can't earn it, and I really, really WANT to earn it.
So thats why I love religion, actually, because religion sets up this obstacle course for me to walk through and if I manage to survive the pummelling and the trick questions and the pit of muddy pirhanas, I get to be with God. Because I EARNED it. I can walk away with a sense of accomplishment.
But its also why I hate religion.
I hate religion because I know too much about God. And the God I know doesn't set up obstacles, he takes them down.
The God I know requires me to ask and then he just does it.
The God I know did it before I even asked.
The God I know doesn't give a flip about my works because he knows I'll never earn it.
And that grace, that atonement, that simple acceptance of a gift that I can never earn is why religion is my nemesis. I hate religion like a crackhead hates crack - because it is addicting to me to measure up and run toward accomplishment and winning. I know that the second I let down my guard, that religion will creep back in and I will fling myself wholeheartedly into it, addicted again to the feeling of knowing exactly what I can expect.
I hate religion because, simply, I love God too much. And he asks me to accept grace that I'll never be able to earn.
So why am I doing this study? Because I want to understand why people label their belief in God with a certain religious title, & how they find the inner strength to accept grace, and how they get past the obstacle course to relationship.
I have a sneaking suspicion its the same way I did - giving up and falling into grace - but I'm going to prove it, one way or another.
Uh, do you know why I love Joni Martin? See above post please.
ReplyDeleteaw, Miranda! Thanks!! :) I love you too!!
ReplyDelete