Every day I play a game
Wake up, stretch, yawn
Every day I play a game
Talk the talk, walk the walk
Every day I fight a war
Smile, I’m fooling you now, aren’t I?
Every day I fight a war
I’m fooling myself and I wonder sometimes
Every day I play a game
A dangerous game, a game of odds
Every moment I’m alone
I see my hand, I falter, smile slipping
Every day I play a game
But I never win, and I never will
If they don’t see my hand, though, can I bluff forever?
Every night I am alone
Break from myself, break from the world
Every night I am alone
Break from myself? I don’t think so.
Every night I lie alone and wonder
How much longer can I keep up this charade
How much longer can I pretend I am fine
How much longer can I keep everyone out
Every day I walk alone, surrounded by people, but solitary in my existence
My existence – so skillfully hidden from everyone orbiting around me
And I wonder is everyone this way
No, they don’t hide as well as I do. But someone, someday will see my secret, and I.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Psalm 13
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestly with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say "I have overcome her," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I TRUST IN YOUR UNFAILING LOVE; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, fo he has been good to me.
Translation in my mind:
Where are you, God? You've forgotten me - will you never remember me? How long are you going to be absent when I need you? How long are these days going to last - it always seems like he's winning and I can't keep this up forever.
Look at me! I'm over here! I've been crying out to you for so long, please answer me, God, give me some kind of sign that you're up there!! Sometimes these times are so dark, I just want to give in - if you don't give me direction and hope, I will just give up and he will win - do you really want him to win? He will be so happy when he's won this fight and beat me down for the final time.
But, I will make a choice to trust you. I will make a choice to look for your hand in my life and I choose to believe that you love me and someway, some how, you're going to come through and save me. I will rejoice in the knowledge that you ARE there and you have been good to me in the past - today I choose to believe you have not abandoned me.
How long must I wrestly with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say "I have overcome her," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I TRUST IN YOUR UNFAILING LOVE; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, fo he has been good to me.
Translation in my mind:
Where are you, God? You've forgotten me - will you never remember me? How long are you going to be absent when I need you? How long are these days going to last - it always seems like he's winning and I can't keep this up forever.
Look at me! I'm over here! I've been crying out to you for so long, please answer me, God, give me some kind of sign that you're up there!! Sometimes these times are so dark, I just want to give in - if you don't give me direction and hope, I will just give up and he will win - do you really want him to win? He will be so happy when he's won this fight and beat me down for the final time.
But, I will make a choice to trust you. I will make a choice to look for your hand in my life and I choose to believe that you love me and someway, some how, you're going to come through and save me. I will rejoice in the knowledge that you ARE there and you have been good to me in the past - today I choose to believe you have not abandoned me.
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