**As I was writing my blog yesterday, I discovered that I wrote this but never posted it, following my sexual abuse post. I wanted to post it now. Consider it a late P.S.
Sometimes I think I'm "over" the things in my past, I spend months in a place of homeostasis. Then something happens, and suddenly I'm having vivid nightmares again. Please know, if this is your story, too, that you're not alone. After writing the post on Sexual Abuse and PTSD, I almost gave up my blog. I didn't write or post for months. It was the hardest thing I've ever written, and it still knocks the air out of me sometimes. But, as my friend, Cyn, says, "You are talking and you are ok." If this is your story, please don't stop talking. We share more than you know.**
The thing that happens with sexual abuse is, like a surgeon, it skillfully and exactly severs the tie between your soul and your body. It then strangles your soul until all you are left with is a shell of who you were, walking around empty. It doesn't leave you alone, though... when it steals your soul and life, it leaves you with companions - post traumatic stress, fear, self-hatred, isolation, loneliness, guilt, and shame. So you walk through life with companions you never asked for. With dreams you never wished upon. With feelings you question. You learn to never trust yourself, and certainly to never trust anyone else.
Sometimes I think I'm "over" the things in my past, I spend months in a place of homeostasis. Then something happens, and suddenly I'm having vivid nightmares again. Please know, if this is your story, too, that you're not alone. After writing the post on Sexual Abuse and PTSD, I almost gave up my blog. I didn't write or post for months. It was the hardest thing I've ever written, and it still knocks the air out of me sometimes. But, as my friend, Cyn, says, "You are talking and you are ok." If this is your story, please don't stop talking. We share more than you know.**
The thing that happens with sexual abuse is, like a surgeon, it skillfully and exactly severs the tie between your soul and your body. It then strangles your soul until all you are left with is a shell of who you were, walking around empty. It doesn't leave you alone, though... when it steals your soul and life, it leaves you with companions - post traumatic stress, fear, self-hatred, isolation, loneliness, guilt, and shame. So you walk through life with companions you never asked for. With dreams you never wished upon. With feelings you question. You learn to never trust yourself, and certainly to never trust anyone else.
