Repost - Lindsey's Story

This is one of my favorite guest posts I've ever had. I love Lindsey's voice and her sense of humor! Enjoy!! ***

I am a Mormon woman, but I do not bake fresh bread each morning. My home is not always spotless. I do not always have a smile on my face or a baby in my belly. In fact, my nuclear family of only two children is not typical within my religion, but it works for me. Even though I live in Phoenix ((where the summers, I am convinced, are the exact temperature of Hell)), you will never see me wearing clothes that show 90% of my skin. In fact, you will not even see me wearing a tank top. “Modest is hottest!”

You will never run into me at one of our local wine bars. You will not see me shopping or out to eat on a Sunday afternoon. Instead I will have just finished up 3-5 hours of church (depending on how many meetings I have that day) and am spending some quality time with my family before I head to church choir practice that evening. And, unless you catch me dropping a can of green beans on my foot, you probably won’t hear me curse (…ok, that’s not true. I have cursed over much lesser frustrations).

I carry in my purse a small card with some important signatures on it that proclaim my adherence to the principles of my religion. I believe that there is a prophet on the earth today that speaks directly to God, just like the prophets of old. These are just some of the things that set me apart as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I was born into this religion and taught its principles as a child. However, there came a time when I challenged its principles- or as I came to understand them- its “rules” and “restrictions.” I think that I’ve always had a pretty firm belief in the truth of my church’s teachings, but when I was a teenager I needed something to use as a rebellion against my parents. Or maybe the fact of the matter is that everything a teenager can do to rebel also happened to be a rebellion against my faith.

I tried my best to do it all. I moved out of my house when I was 17. I moved around with various friends and experimented with all those things ((I thought)) I should have the right to do as a teenager. I did it all as a solution to my teen angst…or maybe to forget it. I went from being an honors student to barely graduating from high school. This phase of my life lasted a few years. It was only when I met my husband that my plans changed a bit.

He was not a member of the LDS (Latter-Day Saint) church, and not long after we started dating, he wanted to learn more about our church. Watching him go through that process and gain an understanding of my beliefs was a real turning point for me. It gave me the opportunity to really get down to the basics of the Mormon faith and realize that I actually had a testimony of its truths and wanted it to be a factor in the way I chose to live my life.

I love being Mormon. I honestly can’t think of a single thing about being Mormon that I don’t like….besides maybe the social pressures that come with it. I sometimes feel pressure to have a bigger family, or a bubblier personality, or to be a better homemaker, but I think these things are more about my lack of self-confidence than actual pressures of the religion itself. I feel confident in my purpose, which I believe is to live a full and happy life on this earth, obeying God’s commandments and doing my best to raise a loving family. I feel confident and secure in my beliefs. I’m happy to be to that point in my life.

 I still, as an adult, have people make fun of the beliefs and practices of my religion, but it honestly doesn’t bother me anymore. I don’t need to argue it with anyone. It’s for me. It is what I have chosen for my life. It doesn’t have to be understood by anyone who doesn’t want to understand it.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about my religious beliefs and the standards by which I live my life. I talked to him a little bit about struggles I’ve had throughout my life with living those standards…even despite my firm belief that they are the standards by which I should be living. He said

“Yeah. I can understand that. It must be really hard when your position

conflicts with your personality.”

I was dumfounded and thought- how can someone who has only known me such a short time totally define a life’s worth of struggles with one simple sentence?! In the simplest terms, my personality is one that thrives on being naughty, testing the waters, pushing boundaries. This doesn’t exactly fly when you practice a religion that has such strict expectations.

Speaking of those expectations…those “rules” and “restrictions”…I struggle a lot with explaining this part of my religion to people. I think that people have this misconception that if I am Mormon and living a Mormon lifestyle, I am operating on blind faith. I have faith, but it is not blind. I have challenged that faith, those standards, time and time again. Without fail, I see happiness in my life when I am living by the principles I have been taught, and unhappiness when I am not. That is simple enough for me to understand and accept. ((And sometimes I need simple)). I tend to overanalyze just about everything in my life, but I have learned that you cannot do that with religion.

I have chosen [this] lifestyle. If there is anything that I believe without a doubt it is that God wants us to all have our agency – our own free will and choice. I can step away from this religion at any point. I’m not stuck here. I am not restricted by my beliefs. At that turning point in my religious journey, where I decided that the Mormon religion was something that I wanted to build my life on, I knew what came with that. I was aware of all the standards that I was expected to live by, and I had proven to myself that that was exactly what I needed.

So at this point in my life, I do not feel restricted by my religion. I feel protected. I feel loved. And that is something that has reassured me a lot. When there are things that I question (which I believe I would do with any religion), I rest assured that I know without a doubt that God loves me and knows me personally. I have felt that and seen His hand in my life too many times to deny it. He wants me to be happy, so I accept that everything that comes with this life is for my own good.

Lindsey and her beautiful family