“Do you have a recessive blue eye gene?” It’s a question I like to ask of people who have white skin and brown eyes because it really freaks them out that I would know that and they say “Yes, yes, I do! How did you know that?” Because I’m psychic of course, I answer, and they nod, a little in awe.
Truth is, I have very strong deductive reasoning skills. Since the majority of anglo-Americans are descended from, well, Europe, and the majority of Europeans have light colored eyes and pale skin, it seems a fair assumption that a brown eyed child of a blue eyed mother is reasonably likely, especially if that child is clearly Caucasian.
I am intuitive mainly, I think, because I think intelligent people have strong deductive reasoning skills and you make comparisons between people, the way they look, the way their body language is, how their eyes shift, their mannerisms – reading people becomes a hobby for me and a challenge – figuring out about people becomes second nature and voila! I’m psychic!
Another theory I have is that people act like their names – for instance: Marks are domineering, can have anger issues, generally gravitate toward perfectionism and are cautious. While they may or may not be good decision makers, they can make decisions – small ones relatively easily and larger ones require a great attention to being thoroughly prepared: completing exhaustive research to be sure that it is the correct thing to do. Impulsiveness is not a characteristic of Marks, instead they gravitate toward knowing what to expect. Marks also tend to be good with money –I’m really not sure why on this one. They just are.
Jessicas are principled and loyal to themselves and others. It’s a strange characteristic and I see it frequently in Jessicas – because the fact is, generally people are loyal to others or they are loyal to themselves but they are rarely both at the same time. Jessicas get along well with many different types of people, because they are personable, they can reach people that some might not be able to reach and they find common ground between themselves and that person so that the other person doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Jessicas are masters of making sure everyone is comfortable in a social situation, and although they won’t go out of their way to be social, whoever they are talking to (and a lot of people talk to them) feels comfortable talking to them. Jessicas also have deeply rooted belief systems. The loyalty to themselves comes into play here because they will rarely take something as fact if it doesn’t agree with their own internal value system. While the value system may be different than a standard run of the mill value, or even different from the values of those around them, they are loyal to that system and, while they won’t actively attack someone who disagrees with their system, they are stubborn and resistant to changes to their internal belief system. Jessicas also have a way of making lesser strong personalities believe in what they say – they are guardians of values and ideals and when you talk to a Jessica who is operating as a guardian, she will not only convince you that she is right, but mostly bring you completely on board with whatever it is she is preaching to you. This is why Jessicas are excellent spokes-people and evangelists. A bitter Jessica who loses faith in her ideals will end up guarding herself tightly against assaults on her personal value system and will become unapproachable and withdrawn.
It was this sort of thing that I was saying to someone at a bar where I was drinking with my best friend. It all started with my best friend and I heading to a bar we hadn't been to before. A gay bar, as it happens. We went to check out the lesbians and to see if we were lesbian material or could at least fit in with the group of people.
We like to see who we can fit in with and how other groups work, so we headed out to Jack’s Backyard for a night of lesbian fun. Immediately upon entering the bar, we realized we had made a cardinal straight-girl mistake: we brought purses. What were we thinking? Lesbians didn’t carry purses!
“Look over there!” I whispered to Shawn. “That girl has a PURSE. It’s slung across her shoulder and neck, do you see that? It’s definitely a purse.”
"NO ITS NOT!" she whispered back “It’s a wallet with a strap!”
“Well, close enough,” I said.
Just at that moment, a man came up to the girl, put his arm around her and kissed her. Shawn looked at me and shook her head. SHE'S NOT EVEN A LESBIAN! Jeez, we were dense.
Second mistake: we had worn makeup. Lesbians don’t wear obvious makeup. ((I was misinformed of the makeup practices of Lesbians because I got nearly all of my Lesbian knowledge from "The L Word" on HBO.))
And there were a lot of baseball caps and cargo shorts here too. We stuck out like straight girls in a lesbian bar. No one would talk to us, so I struck up a conversation with the gay guys next to me. In my experience gay guys were usually friendly, especially to straight girls. David and Michael were sitting next to us and I introduced myself.
Apparently David and Michael were having a fight of some sort and didn't want any part of my conversation, though they listened patiently while I went off about Republicans and Democrats and gay rights, and I’m pretty sure I had blabbered on incoherently for about ten minutes on topics I didn’t know anything about before Shawn jumped in with “DID YOU KNOW JONI IS PSYCHIC?”
She said it loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear it. I was in shock. I was not digging this idea, but then I had had 2 rum and diets, so I was in the mood to be accommodating. David and Michael looked duly impressed for a moment, then returned to their conversation.
My psychic abilities are a party gag, and something I pull out when I’m tired of feeling bored and having nothing to say. It is a handy trick to know when you’re in a crowded room full of people you don’t know who are staring at you with hostility.
A girl sitting two seats down from me looked at me with interest and then stuck out her hand.
"You’re psychic? Read my palm."
“What’s your name?” I said.
“Amber.”
And that’s how it started. Suddenly, I was on instant recall, trying to remember every Amber I had ever met. I started telling her everything I could think of about Ambers and also everything I thought about her personally, which was that she was damaged, cared a lot about what people thought, tried to help people, but only if it didn't interfere with her own goals. I went on and she was impressed.
David and Michael were too, and they stuck out their hands. Before the night was through, I had read twenty people’s auras or palms or whatever. I’m not sure if it was because they were drunk or because I was drunk, but they all said I was right.
That night at a lesbian bar, a psychic was born. That psychic was me.
Truth is, I have very strong deductive reasoning skills. Since the majority of anglo-Americans are descended from, well, Europe, and the majority of Europeans have light colored eyes and pale skin, it seems a fair assumption that a brown eyed child of a blue eyed mother is reasonably likely, especially if that child is clearly Caucasian.
I am intuitive mainly, I think, because I think intelligent people have strong deductive reasoning skills and you make comparisons between people, the way they look, the way their body language is, how their eyes shift, their mannerisms – reading people becomes a hobby for me and a challenge – figuring out about people becomes second nature and voila! I’m psychic!
Another theory I have is that people act like their names – for instance: Marks are domineering, can have anger issues, generally gravitate toward perfectionism and are cautious. While they may or may not be good decision makers, they can make decisions – small ones relatively easily and larger ones require a great attention to being thoroughly prepared: completing exhaustive research to be sure that it is the correct thing to do. Impulsiveness is not a characteristic of Marks, instead they gravitate toward knowing what to expect. Marks also tend to be good with money –I’m really not sure why on this one. They just are.
Jessicas are principled and loyal to themselves and others. It’s a strange characteristic and I see it frequently in Jessicas – because the fact is, generally people are loyal to others or they are loyal to themselves but they are rarely both at the same time. Jessicas get along well with many different types of people, because they are personable, they can reach people that some might not be able to reach and they find common ground between themselves and that person so that the other person doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Jessicas are masters of making sure everyone is comfortable in a social situation, and although they won’t go out of their way to be social, whoever they are talking to (and a lot of people talk to them) feels comfortable talking to them. Jessicas also have deeply rooted belief systems. The loyalty to themselves comes into play here because they will rarely take something as fact if it doesn’t agree with their own internal value system. While the value system may be different than a standard run of the mill value, or even different from the values of those around them, they are loyal to that system and, while they won’t actively attack someone who disagrees with their system, they are stubborn and resistant to changes to their internal belief system. Jessicas also have a way of making lesser strong personalities believe in what they say – they are guardians of values and ideals and when you talk to a Jessica who is operating as a guardian, she will not only convince you that she is right, but mostly bring you completely on board with whatever it is she is preaching to you. This is why Jessicas are excellent spokes-people and evangelists. A bitter Jessica who loses faith in her ideals will end up guarding herself tightly against assaults on her personal value system and will become unapproachable and withdrawn.
It was this sort of thing that I was saying to someone at a bar where I was drinking with my best friend. It all started with my best friend and I heading to a bar we hadn't been to before. A gay bar, as it happens. We went to check out the lesbians and to see if we were lesbian material or could at least fit in with the group of people.
We like to see who we can fit in with and how other groups work, so we headed out to Jack’s Backyard for a night of lesbian fun. Immediately upon entering the bar, we realized we had made a cardinal straight-girl mistake: we brought purses. What were we thinking? Lesbians didn’t carry purses!
“Look over there!” I whispered to Shawn. “That girl has a PURSE. It’s slung across her shoulder and neck, do you see that? It’s definitely a purse.”
"NO ITS NOT!" she whispered back “It’s a wallet with a strap!”
“Well, close enough,” I said.
Just at that moment, a man came up to the girl, put his arm around her and kissed her. Shawn looked at me and shook her head. SHE'S NOT EVEN A LESBIAN! Jeez, we were dense.
Second mistake: we had worn makeup. Lesbians don’t wear obvious makeup. ((I was misinformed of the makeup practices of Lesbians because I got nearly all of my Lesbian knowledge from "The L Word" on HBO.))
And there were a lot of baseball caps and cargo shorts here too. We stuck out like straight girls in a lesbian bar. No one would talk to us, so I struck up a conversation with the gay guys next to me. In my experience gay guys were usually friendly, especially to straight girls. David and Michael were sitting next to us and I introduced myself.
Apparently David and Michael were having a fight of some sort and didn't want any part of my conversation, though they listened patiently while I went off about Republicans and Democrats and gay rights, and I’m pretty sure I had blabbered on incoherently for about ten minutes on topics I didn’t know anything about before Shawn jumped in with “DID YOU KNOW JONI IS PSYCHIC?”
She said it loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear it. I was in shock. I was not digging this idea, but then I had had 2 rum and diets, so I was in the mood to be accommodating. David and Michael looked duly impressed for a moment, then returned to their conversation.
My psychic abilities are a party gag, and something I pull out when I’m tired of feeling bored and having nothing to say. It is a handy trick to know when you’re in a crowded room full of people you don’t know who are staring at you with hostility.
A girl sitting two seats down from me looked at me with interest and then stuck out her hand.
"You’re psychic? Read my palm."
“What’s your name?” I said.
“Amber.”
And that’s how it started. Suddenly, I was on instant recall, trying to remember every Amber I had ever met. I started telling her everything I could think of about Ambers and also everything I thought about her personally, which was that she was damaged, cared a lot about what people thought, tried to help people, but only if it didn't interfere with her own goals. I went on and she was impressed.
David and Michael were too, and they stuck out their hands. Before the night was through, I had read twenty people’s auras or palms or whatever. I’m not sure if it was because they were drunk or because I was drunk, but they all said I was right.
That night at a lesbian bar, a psychic was born. That psychic was me.
No comments:
Post a Comment