And the responses...

"Pretty fair observations. I hope your experience was enriching. I wish you could have spent time with me and my family, but on to the next one. what's next? Mormonism?
There is only so much which can be experienced from without. that's true of anything. I could tell that you drew these conclusions from what you observed. You tried to be fair. they only saw what they wanted to see. they fixated on the "negative" and ignored the fact that you said the same could be true of Christians. Offense is a choice we all too often make.


Well, Joni, I applaud your courage. Many of the women surely thought that by the end of your experiment you would become Muslim and so they were "pimping" Islam to you, but when you didn't they showed their true intentions by insulting and summarily dismissed you. I had the same issues the others did, but I realize that you cannot report anything other than what you observe. I love my brothers and sisters in Islam, but many time I have been completely pissed at some of the unpatriotic things I've heard from them. I hope you continue to meet Muslims and learn from them. We come in all shape and sizes and we are all things at different times."

--J

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Joni.. I honestly, do not feel that you have captured the essence of Islam the way that it is practiced by the majority. I am not certain where you have gotten much of your "numbers" from but I can assure you that a lot of Muslims I know *are* patriotic. A lot of Sisters I know have jobs out side of the home that their husbands support 100%.


I will be the first to stand here and say that my husband supports my decision in being a Doula and Insha'Allah (If Allah Wills), a Midwife. He knows the bumpy road that Midwives and their families endure and he is ready to travel along with me. Alhamdulilah for the man that I married who is not only culturally rich but also Islamically pure AND patriotic to the country in which he IS a citizen of (USA). If it was not FOR HIM, I would not be who I am today. I would not be able to give my time to every cause that I possibly want to. I would not be able to even aspire to what I want to be in life.


In addition, we as Muslim women SHOULD be mindful of our families. It IS a duty to our Creator to manage all of what Allah has given us and if we can do that, juggle school AND a career then there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I am sure other sisters would agree. And I assure you, there are plenty of us who have the same "family system".


Many of the Muslims I know left their countries to come HERE... they ARE patriotic, more patriotic than a lot of Americans that I know. Goodness, my husband knows more about government and politics than I do as he takes a keen interest in learning about it. He knows more than what we have been taught in school and I think it is great that he does.


There is only thing that Muslims do not forget. It is where they came from and WHO they are returning TO... That is the way we must live our lives. We shouldn't spend our life to adhere to every desire that we have but we should adhere our lives in pleasing the Creator.


I wanted to add one more thing... well, maybe.. My husband is not only supportive of me being a Midwife but he has encouraged me (and paid every cent and watched the kiddos for me) to get my Associates in Early Childhood Teaching. I am complete in my studies except for the work portion in which he is TAKING OFF from work for me to complete so that the children are well taken care of. I cannot give him enough credit for where I am in life.


Thank you for the clarification for the numbers. I know some women in both scenarios but I guess I Just know more women in the same scenario as myself. Allah Knows Best.


It's not about defending *myself* but it is about defending ...the religion of which I belong to. Islam itself allows women to work and make her OWN money. not a single CENT of that money belongs to the husband or family and IF the woman decides to use the money for her family, it is CHARITY! This is the beauty of us working. Suban'Allah! Islam covers all aspects of our lives and men who are truly adhering to Allah's Law.. they are the ones whose wives would be utmost pleased.


May Allah Guide in all that you do and I pray you understand that whatever good I have said is from Allah and whatever wrong I have said is from myself."

--A



~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Sorry but when you stated, "My concern was the lack of ambition and goals outside of family that many Muslim women have," that is a bunch of BS! Sorry but it is! I am finishing my degree, R is working on hers, A is working on becoming a mid-wife, L is working on her PhD, and there are many Muslim women working outside of the home. However, yes there are Muslim men who do not help with housework or the children but there are many christian men who do not help either. I am not sure where you went to get your biased information but I have found many of your blogs offensive and disheartening towards Muslims, with biased opinions or repeated thoughts of prejudices of someone who has not really spent time with Muslims. Sorry was not impressed cause I could have read the same information on the fox news site. Good luck on your next religion; however, I feel diving into your religion would better for you. You may be shocked to find out things you didn't know about your own religion! That would be a blog I would be interested in! ;)"

--S



Feel free to add additional comments below... :-) 

Day 32 - Whoa! Time Out!!

Wow, I got alot of backlash from that last post, so let me pleeeeease clarify some things that I said:

The part where I said [End Objectivism, Begin Opinion] meant that I was beginning my opinion - my PERCEPTION, my experience of Islam. I am trying to experience the religions (not just Islam, however, Islam is my first in this experiment). The other religions will recieve the same scrutiny but also the same positivity that I gave Islam. I wanted to present a true picture not only of the religion, but also of MY EXPERIENCE within the religion.

Thirty Days is not enough time to do that, so I missed a million things. I will miss a million things on every religion. Hang in there, these are just hors d'oeuvres. You need to check them out for yourself for the full meal!

That said, in my last post, I pointed out some things that I didn't think too highly of. But there were many parts of Islam that I really loved:

:: I think the prayer five times a day speaks to dedication and honoring God. I did not meet a single Muslim woman who did not do the prayer five times a day. They didn't do this at gunpoint, it was their choice.

:: I think the Muslim family values, the importance placed on family, while it might be overly beneficial for fathers (who I believe in this day and age should share equally in parenting responsibilities), is something American society could use an injection of.

I don't have a problem with Moms who choose to stay home and choose to go down the path of being a mother and making that their career. And I think that American society today undermines the choices of stay at home moms and devalues them as a whole, labeling them "women without a choice", or women "giving up" everything for their families.

That said, I don't believe that being a stay-at-home mom is the first choice for all women (myself included), and I think some women are pressured to do EVERYTHING. I believe that mothers and fathers should have equal responsibility in the whole raising-a-child thing. If the mother has dreams and goals outside the home, why is she less worthy of going after those than a father, simply because she doesnt have a penis?

Obviously there were exceptions (as I pointed out). "Many" does not mean "All". I would say, in my case, that I am the EXCEPTION for Christians, and maybe I am wrong, but I think most Christians would not delve into other religions and discover what they believe and what is beautiful about their religions. At least most Christians I know. And don't think this has been a cake walk on my end, either. My family was, for the most part, horrified when I told them of the experiment. My boss would not allow me to take part in the experiment while I was at work, and wanted to know nothing about Muslims. Some friends deleted me on facebook, some friends sent me lengthy emails about opening spiritual doors and making myself vulnerable to satan. I am not lying.

:: Muslim views on women being able to have an abortion, at least in theory, and their views on the importance of a woman in Islam spoke very highly among its peer religions. While I am not pro-abortion, I AM pro-choice, and I think that people SHOULD have a choice about what happens to their bodies. There are lines I draw, sure, and I certainly don't like abortion or agree with it under all circumstances, but hats off to Islam for giving women permission to not raise a child they didn't want (especially in situations like rape or incest)!

:: Lastly, regarding Patriotism, as way of explanation: I am from a military family. I UNDERSTAND that not everyone feels the same way about America that I do, and that is ok. I'm not going to tell you that if you don't put your hand over your heart and pledge allegiance to the flag that you should pack your things and leave this country. But I will say that I raise my children to love this country, respect the freedom that we have (ESPECIALLY religious freedom) and to understand that if they can try to walk in other people's shoes and live with compassion, they will make this country a better place to live.


In conclusion, this blog is as much for my children as it is for myself. It is about showing my children that people are similar, even if their beliefs are different. It is to educate my children when they grow older, in whatever way I can, to the cultures and beliefs of other people. It is to teach them to love. And it is, in some way, to teach them to think and make decisions on their own, and use thier minds to compare and contrast.

In truth, almost everything I write is truly for my children. I want them to understand a different perspective is not always a wrong perspective. I want them to believe in the power to dream. I want them to have permission to become whatever they desire - spiritually, religiously, politically, educationally and career-wise. And if something happens to me and I don't get to be part of their lives in the future(God forbid), I want them to know who I am and how I thought. Call it ego, call it legacy - I want to leave something for my children and grandchildren to see, and more than that, I want my voice to be heard. I want my children to grow up with the belief that people should be judged individually based on their character and actions, rather than stereotyped. I want them to change this world for the better and live a life of open curiousity and radical compassion. I want them to not be AFRAID to try something new just because it is unfamiliar.

I hope I didn't offend too many Muslims during this 30 days... I understand people are passionate about their religion, and I never meant to be disrespectful. The women I met were nothing but hospitable and loving toward me and I respect and admire them all greatly - both the Fort Worthers and the Dallas-ites. I welcome any and all feed back!

My next post will be some of the responses I got on my 30th day as a Muslim.

Day 30 - Uncovering (and) [Insert Opinion Here]

I apologize for not having blogged this week, I have been sick and sleeping during all of my free time, so blogging took a back burner.

Day 30 came and went on Wednesday, and found me going to the grocery store for Halloween candy and cold medicine. I wore one of Mark's short-sleeved t-shirt over yoga pants.

I have to say, when I went to the grocery store uncovered not only was I FREEZING, I felt almost naked without my protective wrap of scarf and shirt!! Much like when I first started wearing hijab, I felt that people were looking at me in my "nakedness"!!

I also realized that taking off my hijab caused another issue that was unexpected. The hijab is almost a barrier between myself and being judged. Stay with me here. When I wear hijab, I am telling people right at the get-go that I am Muslim. There is a very slim chance that they will judge me later - either they want to be nice to me as a Muslim, or they don't. I'm putting it out there and by putting it all out there, risking less chance of rejection later on - at least on the religious choices spectrum. It is, in that way, a wall between myself and the outside world, and if people are willing to still talk to me, be friends with me, reach out to me, I know up front that they are ok with the fact that I am a Muslim. Unlike when they find out after talking to me that I am, in fact, NOT a super-Christian, or that I AM a Christian, or a Mormon, etc.

Being a Muslim did not particularly change my life all that much. Not eating pork was a little challenging, given my love of pizza, but it was do-able. Following the rules of washing and praying was an adjustment, but after getting used to it, was easy. The pre-dawn prayers were the hardest for me, and the lunch time prayers, while I thought they would be difficult, being how I was at work during that time, were easier.

I learned a number of things about the religion that I shared with you... and here are my thoughts: [End Objectivism, Begin Opinion]

1. The women I met are modern women with rights and lives outside of their homes. In theory. The fact that they CHOOSE to be submissive to their husbands, go home immediately in the middle of a girls' night because their husband refuses to change a baby diaper, reschedule meetings because their husbands' meetings trump theirs, can't follow a career path because their husband doesn't want to be bothered with picking up the slack for a working wife... those things separate them from what a non-religious modern woman might deal with. However, those are things that, regardless of how far women have come, many MANY women deal with, regardless of how "liberated" we technically are. My concern was the lack of ambition and goals outside of family that many Muslim women have. I understand the importance of family, but I also understand the importance of fulfillment. Sometimes (not all the time), in my experience, just reproducing and raising children and being married, cooking dinners, cleaning house does not a fulfilled woman make.

2. I was stunned by the number of Muslim people who don't value America in the same way I do. I was stunned that 1 out of 4 AMERICAN Muslim young men between 18 and 30 said they didn't condemn the terrorist attacks on 9/11. I was stunned to find that statistic true in both the articles I read and the people I met - who may not agree with the taking of innocent lives, but justified the reason those lives were taken. I was stunned that American Muslims are not American first. I had to examine myself and find out - was I a Christian first or an American first, particularly when I was actively involved in Christian life? I came to the conclusion that I was American first. "God AND Country" was how I was brought up, God having almost equal footing with America. America representing the ideals of how I could live my life and how far my potential could reach, and God being the boundary to guide my character. While there might have been a time once when I thought, as the Christian right does, that this country was (is) a Christian country founded on Christian ideals, I would never have supported the idea of removing all religious freedom except that of the Christian. I find that many American Muslims would do just that, making this an Islamic nation, and, like the Christian right, reducing or eliminating the rights of others to choose another religion.

When you take a group of people from countries that hate America, and have been trained all their life to hate America (for valid reasons, in many cases), then you transplant them as adults or young adults to American soil for education and opportunity, it is no surprise that they continue to see the viewpoint of countries who hate America. I'm not saying it is their fault, I'm simply saying that it was surprising to me.

3. Another surprise for me was how politically and culturally entrenched the religion is as a whole. Many of the rituals practiced are cultural hand-me-downs, continued to be practiced in a culture where they are no longer as relevant. It was difficult to separate the religion from the culture in which it was formed. I had expected, going in, that the religion was practiced in its pure form - unlike, I thought, the diluted and Americanized form of Christianity we practice here. Not so. Islam has the same difficulties with cultural influence that we have in Christian churches, the only difference is that theirs is a convergence of two opposing cultures influencing the religion.

More reflections (read: opinions) to come... :-)

Day 29 - Obsession with Purpose

OBSESSED
I have this obsession. It has always been with my "purpose in life," meaning my "calling" (can we say narcissistic?). I am constantly reevaluating what I should do with my life. Where most people leave the "what do I want to be when I grow up?" question behind them when they graduate college, I have been on an eternal quest to find my career path.

I believe that everyone was put on this earth with a purpose - an end in mind. There are secondary things as well, that we are purposed to do, and that come as companions to our purpose, walking with us through different phases of our lives. For instance, I believe it is my purpose to communicate with people in a way that they can understand through the medium of writing. I am passionate about unifying people, changing my world, helping to expand hearts and minds through education and perspective, helping people find love for each other. Maybe I will help one or two people in my lifetime see things differently and love more freely, and if that happens, I will have accomplished my purpose. But as I work to accomplish my purpose, there are companions to my purpose: Being a mother, for instance. I have not always been a mother, and someday, I will not be involved with raising children on a daily basis. But in being a mother, I can teach my children to love and communicate, and to not judge their fellow humans - in this way, I am accomplishing what I was made to do. I am not saying that being a mother is not the greatest calling, but I am saying that for most people, it is not the ONLY calling, and, again, for most people, believing that it IS the only purpose of their life will lead to nothing but frustration and despondency. Because being a Mother is a choice, it cannot be your primary purpose, only a role that you play during your life (albeit an important one).

Who are you? No, really. Who ARE you?
Your purpose goes beyond your career, beyond your education and vocation. It is intrinsically WHO YOU ARE. It is not what you were made to DO, it is who you were made to be. My purpose is to educate and write and communicate. My purpose is NOT to run a non-profit, or to speak to masses of people, or to be the best darn HR Director that Sonic has ever seen, although those can all be choices I make. It is not to perform delicate brain surgery, or track down criminals in foreign countries, or to paint murals on overpasses. My purpose is to communicate through writing, and because a writer is who I AM, actually, I find it hard to reconcile that as a reasonable or respectable occupation. For the simple fact that I need measurable success in order to feel successful. I need a promotion, I need a list of lives that have been saved, I need something tangible that says I have succeeded. Ah, but this is the fallacy of finding our purpose and allowing our lives to be driven by that purpose: we can do whatever we want to, make whatever choice we want in life, and pursue whatever career we desire, but unless we recognize what we were made for, we will live a life of constant frustration.

Some people claim that they don't know their purpose, but I would postulate that their purpose is not unknown to them as much as it is unaccepted by them. They want their purpose to be something recognizable and accomplishable. They want to have a set path. They want their purpose to be their career. And for a lucky few, that is the case. The rest of us are called to trying to accomplish our purpose in whatever place we are.

I am a writer and explorer (even though it may not appear from this blog that I am a very GOOD writer). I am not a writer because I "write good" though, I'm a writer because my purpose is to help people understand other's perspectives - it is in my nature. I can communicate in a way some can't, I'm not afraid to jump into the unknown, and I can relate to people in the written word. But "writer" has never been enough for me (or maybe it has always been too much for me). I feel like I should build something, or do something meaningful, and so I have searched my entire life to find my "purpose" because my purpose wasn't good enough for me - I wanted my purpose to be a career.

I would further postulate that when people begin to embrace their purpose, they find that their lives are much more and much less satisfactory. They are more satisfied because they finally are DOING what they are made to do. Throwing caution to the wind, abandoning yourself into your purpose, you walk out there on that ledge and discover that this is what you were MADE for!
...But the flip side is that once you embrace your purpose, you are forever ruined for the rest of the things in this world. Not to say that you can't be happy doing several things at once, but if you abandon your purpose in search of something "better" or "more appropriate" or "more meaningful" you will always be disappointed.

Abandoning who I am and who I was made to be - the elemental parts of myself that have nothing to do with personal choice - would be setting me up for failure. I must give myself permission to be who I am.

Expectations
Too many time women in particular have been given their purpose and their destiny by someone playing God. They have been told that they must grow up and go to business school and climb the corporate ladder. Or (more often) they must marry and have children and their purpose is to be a good wife and mother. They are not given permission to dream.

Too many times in American society, women create a checklist of expectations. Mostly self-imposed, yes, but trying to live up to society’s expectations of getting degrees, climbing the corporate ladder, doing something meaningful in our community, and at the same time, balancing a child on each hip and singlehandedly keeping our families strong and healthy. As a woman, we have all walked into the world and have achieved some level of success, in some area of our lives. But, that checklist we created? Didn’t have to do with OUR dreams and desires, it had to do with what the people around us expected, and with what society in general expected.

For myself, I was balancing a corporate career, being single mom to three great kids, and completing my degree. I felt that in my effort to succeed in every area of my life, I was inadvertently failing at each one. There finally came a point when I said, “What am I doing with my life? I’m not happy! To heck with the checklist, I’m going to dream!” Almost immediately the question arose: “What DO I want? What ARE my dreams?” And when I gave myself permission to ask those questions – and ANSWER them – I began to, at last, feel that I had begun to succeed.

I am here today giving YOU permission to dream. I am giving you permission to examine your purpose outside of the light of the church, the religion you were brought up in, the family you are a part of, the career path you have chosen. I give you permission to ask the question - WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? But you must give yourself permission to hear the answer.

Day 28 - The Quran

As you probably realize by now, the Quran is the Muslim "bible"... and beyond that, it guides them on prettymuch every aspect of life. It is the dictionary to a Scrabble game - consulted on almost every issue that comes up in a Muslim life.

According to the Quran, it is "the Book in which there is no doubt, in it is guidance for those who fear God, who believe in the unseen...and who believe in that which was sent down to you [Muhammad], and that which was sent down before you (the Books and the prophets - ie, the old Testament) and have certain faith in the hereafter. The are on (true) guidance from their Lord, and it is these who will prosper." Quran 2:2-5

Whew. I think in that glowing accolade, the Quran was basically just swearing that it is the Truth, the Whole Truth, and nothing BUT the Truth! That said, it probably is a tiny bit biased on its accuracy. Considering that it is claiming to be the truth, and that claim not by an objective third party. I'm just saying.

So what evidence supports the Quran's claim of authenticity? Supposedly, it is the only "revealed book" that exists today in the precise form and content in which it was originally revealed.
Even if the Quran has been preserved, what evidence supports that it is the Word of God and not simply Muhammad's(pbuh) own writings?

How can you be sure that parts haven't been lost or "misplaced"?

Apparently, during Muhammad's lifetime, the book was written down AND memorized as it was revealed. The written portion was checked against the memorized portion and vice-versa. Interestingly, it is one of the only books that has been memorized in its entirity by millions of people!

Nonetheless, we are taking the word of Muhammad and his group of disciples/followers that this is exactly what God said, much like the Bible, so an element of faith is inherent in the belief that this is the infallible Word of God.

In my mind, you cannot prove a fact with evidence from the same source - it comes down to the parental answer to the question "why?" - "Because I said so." Oh really? Because you said? Well, then that makes it fact, right?

So, faith in hand, Muslims believe as fact that the Quran is the speech of God written by Muhammad. If you take this as a given, then the question remains whether it is still in its original form. Historically, the Arabic society has excelled at story-telling and has a strong oral tradition, so the idea that the Quran could have been memorized and passed along verbatim is not SO far-fetched. Additionally, one must keep in mind that the Quran was written in 600 AD, and while that was not the present age of document preservation and provable evidence, it was nonetheless written in a relatively MORE modern time than other documents, such as the Old Testament and New Testament. It was written over 500 years after the New Testament was complete, and over 100 years after the entire Bible had been translated into 500 languages. Given the relative technology and records that the world had at that time, it is definitely believable that this book could have been kept in its original form, especially considering that it had but one author, who wrote the entire thing during his lifetime. Additionally, it was written in the same primary language of the religion, unlike other books (the Bible).

Outside of that, the Quran does seem to have knowledge of scientific things that were only discovered years later, which bolsters its claim to being a prophetic book - for instance, the Quran described the planet earth as a sphere and egg-shaped ("like and ostrich egg" Quran 79:30). This claim wasn't proven scientifically for another 900 years or so.
The Quran describes the development of a fetus in rough but accurate terms as well in surah 23:12-14.

So I guess you'd have to say, unless you were alive in 600 AD when the Quran was being written, that you will have to take a measure of it's historical accuracy and literary preservation on faith. And, truly, you would need to take the accuracy of other such religious texts on faith in like fashion.

But I think even without the 100% knowledge that what is written is exactly as it was 600 years ago, most Muslims would tell you that they abide by the principles therein because of their independent value - they do what the book says not only because they believe it to be the word of God, but because it just makes sense to them. So there you have it.

Note, as a reader commented, although the words of the Quran were spoken by Muhammad and thereafter written down, he was not the one with pen in hand writing these words, he only spoke what he felt Allah said to him. Scribes and/or followers copied down the words.

Day 25 - Parenting

For a religion that tells you which side of your body to wash first in the bathtub, is it any wonder that Islam has quite a number of instructions regarding parenting as well? As I was learning the information regarding parenting in Islam, I found that there was one thing that surprised me (the stance on breastfeeding), as well as a few things that are just good practices for ANYONE, regardless of their religion!

Breastfeeding: It was interesting to me to see that the Quran specifically addresses breastfeeding! Not just to DO it, but the length of time that is recommended, what to do if the mother cannot (or will not) breastfeed, and what happens in the case of a divorce...

“The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms if they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (her) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear Allah and know that Allah sees well what ye do.” (2:233)

Parents and Children:
"Rights" of various people are emphasized frequently in the Quran, probably due to the Arabic society from which Islam originated which disregarded almost every right of anyone except an Arabic Male.

The mothers in particular have an important role in child-rearing (since that is their major obligation) much more so than the father, who is ordered to provide for the family and go out to work and to war. Islam reinforces the family as the most basic social unit. It encourages children to thank their parents, most particularly the Mother, who has had to be pregnant with the child, delivery, sacrifice, breastfeeding, and care/nurture for the child. It's an interesting side note that Muhammad (pbuh) himself was an orphan and probably had some elevated ideas about how it would be to have parents and how he would treat them if he did. In addition to saying in short that a mother should be cared for and loved at least three times more than a father, Muhammad (pbuh) goes a step further to say that doing good and caring for your mother will result in points for your good bucket. "Paradise lies under the feet of the mother."


RIGHTS OF PARENTS:
(1) To be respected and obeyed [by their children]. This one made me laugh a little bit - you can give me a badge and a gun with that unconditional respect and obedience, and I doubt my children will still respect that RIGHT of mine 100% of the time!! The Prophet (pbuh) further mentions that if a child "annoys" or "disobeys" their parent, it can and will lead to God's wrath. Perhaps this would be a bigger motivator?
(2) To discipline and guide in order to protect the child and mold them into a fine upstanding citizen and Muslim. (The Quran even says spanking is A-Okay)
(3) To be looked after, should they become ill, old, or otherwise unable to look after themselves, financially in particular.
::“People ask you (O Prophet) how should they spend. Say, ‘whatever you spend should be spent on Allah (in good cause), on parents, near relatives, on orphans, destitutes and travelers (who fall short of money in foreign lands).”::
(4) To be helped physically (with cleaning, lifting, or any manner of things they need help with).
(5) To be spoken to and behaved toward kindly. Including NOT putting them into nursing homes, being kind and respectful (no matter how crazy and old they are).


RIGHTS OF CHILDREN:
(1) Food, clothes, protection (both physical and moral)
(2) Education - religious and bookish knowledge is required. The goal - to develop a well-rounded personality. The Prophet (pbuh) believed in education for ALL children, both girls and boys, and said once "The best of you is one who gives a good education to his children."
(3) Love and Affection - The Prophet (pbuh) emphasized the importance of love and affection for children. He was himself orphaned and assumedly devoid of that love and affection throughout his own childhood, so he sought to enforce upon the people around him the importance of love and affection of children. He even adopted an orphaned child and treated him as a son his whole life. Stories have it that the Prophet (pbuh) loved children greatly: He would allow his grandsons Hassan and Hussain to ride his shoulders even during his prayers. In streets he would offer ‘salaam’ to children, play and cut jokes with them. Sometimes he would even kiss small children in the street. Once a Bedouin saw the Prophet kissing a small kid. Out of wonder he said, “I have eight children but I never kiss them”. The Prophet remarked, “What can I do if Allah has taken away love and compassion from your heart”. The Prophet would show special kindness to orphaned children.
(4) To be well provided for financially - it was emphasized that parents should be concerned with what they are leaving behind for their children - not spending their money on themselves and their material possessions, but laying up stores to provide for their children

These are great principles for anyone to follow, regardless of whether they are Muslim or not!

Day 24 - Sex, Contraception and Abortion

Much as with other religions, sex outside of marriage (in certain circumstances) or before marriage is unlawful. However, sex within marriage is explicitly encouraged!

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “You merit rewards of charity in your sexual union with your spouses!” His companions asked in surprise, “How shall we getting rewards for fulfilling our natural instincts?” He asked, “What if someone were to fulfill his desire unlawfully; would he/she be punished for doing so?” They replied, “Certainly.” Then he said, “Likewise, when one does it within the framework of marriage, he/she will be rewarded for it!”

Not only is it permissable to have sex within your marriage, it is rewardable - points in your "good bucket" (see Day 16 regarding Judgment Day and good/bad buckets).

Now coming to the issue of contraception: there is nothing in Islam that prohibits it so long as it is done consensually for valid reasons such as the following: putting off pregnancy until such time when the spouses are in a better position to shoulder the responsibilities of parenting, to allow for space between pregnancies in order to provide proper nurturing and care to existing children, etc. Bottom line: No Qur'anic text forbids prevention of conception.

BUT, contraception does not amount to killing a human being. The pre-Islamic Arab practice of killing or burying alive a newborn child (particularly a girl) on account of the parents' poverty or to refrain from having a female child is expressly forbidden in the Quran.

In the Hadith (a collection of "gospels" of the Quran, not written by Muhammad), the principle of preventing conception via coitus interruptus was approved via the Prophet (pbuh). Some examples are:
:: According to Jabir, "We used to practise coitus interruptus during the Prophet's (pbuh) lifetime. News of this reached him and he did not forbid us." then later "A man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said, 'I have a slave girl, and we need her as a servant and around the palmgroves. I have sex with her, but I am afraid of her becoming pregnant.' The Prophet (pbuh) said, 'Practice 'azl with her if you so wish, for she will receive what has been predestined for her.'"

:: According to Abu Sa'id, "We rode out with the Prophet (pbuh) to raid Banu al-Mustaliq and captured some female prisoners . . . we desired women and abstinence became hard. [But] we wanted to practise 'azl; and asked the Prophet (pbuh) about it. He said, 'You do not have to hesitate, for God has predestined what is to be created until the judgement day.'"

:: According to 'Umar Ibn Khattab, "The Prophet (pbuh) forbade the practice of 'azl with a free woman except with her permission."

So there seems to be permission for a man to exercise contraceptive moves whenever he pleases, except unless a free woman denies him the priviledge...
NOTE: There are a few reasons why a "free woman" he is married to can be vetoed: (1) a desire to preserve a woman's beauty or her health, or save her life; (2) desire to avoid financial hardship and embarrassment; (3) avoidance of other domestic problems caused by a large family. He did not accept avoidance of female birth as a legitimate motive for contraception. (4)If the child will grow up (the husband fears) in a morally unhealthy environment. All according to the Muslim Jurists - the Hanbali and Maliki groups, Zydiyah scholars, and the first three specific to Al-Ghazzali scholars)

Double Standards... I am certain that you, Dear Readers, did not miss the implied consent in earlier examples. The implied consent is both that contraception is ok, and it is apparently ok for men to have sex with a variety of women who are not their wives, as long as it in convenient, or if they really really need it. I have never found any example of a time when it is permissable for a woman to have sex with someone other than their husband, however...

Maybe its just too difficult for men to only have sex with their wives or abstain altogether? "We desired women and abstinence became hard." Well, by all means, if it's hard, give it up! Seriously, though, the double standard is apparent in the sex rules.

Abortion
Islam expressly prohibits killing a child after it has been born.

"Don’t kill your children [immediately after birth]... verily killing them is a most heinous crime!” (Al-Isra’: 31)

However, the Abortion topic has been debated in Muslim circles. All of the scholars seem to agree that no infant should be killed after the soul has entered the body. HOWEVER, when has the soul entered the body? At conception? 40 days after conception? 120 days after conception? The scholars have debated this, and a lot of them believe that the fetus changes into a human on the magical 120th day after conception, and therefore abortion (for good reason) before this is acceptable. Almost certainly the morning-after pill is widely acceptable, and later term abortions seem to be debatable... probably very dependent on the geographical area (and the availabilty and social view of abortions.

Overall, these views are really opposed to the Jewish and most Christian views on contraception, sex, and abortion! Its one of the biggest differences I've seen between Islam and other major world religions.

POST SCRIPT -
Since I know alot of people don't read through the comments, it is really interesting to see that the Quran DOES address foreplay and the Prophet forbade intercourse without foreplay!

ALSO, it is interesting to note that the Quran says you should breastfeed for two years! Yay for Islamic breastfeeders!! :-)

Read the comments!

Day 23 - Muslim Boys Must Pee Sitting Down

Interesting facts: Yes, you heard me correctly.... Muslim men and boys should pee sitting down (if at all possible).

Surah ‎001 : 1.019A : One may not urinate while standing.

If a person can guarantee that no impurities will touch his clothes, it is permissible to urinate while standing. Aishah (the favorite wife of Muhammad) said, "If someone relates to you that the Messenger of Allah (her husband, Muhammad) urinated while standing, do not believe him. He only urinated while sitting."

However, as my friend Rachel points out, one should not forget that what Aishah said is based on the knowledge that she had - since Muhammad had somewhere between 4 and 13 wives, according to different accounts. If he was truly treating them all equally, as the Quran commands, then he only spent maybe 2-5 days with her a month.

However, a follower of Muhammad, Huzhaifah relates that the Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, went to a public garbage dump and urinated while standing. Huzhaifah went away, and the Prophet then called him over. The Prophet made ablution and wiped over his shoes.

These are important issues in Islam, a religion that says something about every single aspect of your life. To be safe, Islamic men and boys prefer to urinate while sitting, that way they avoid even the possibility that they may cause themselves to be unclean.

Speaking of unclean, the Wudu or ceremonial washing must be performed mutliple times a day - after sleeping deeply, so first thing in the morning before prayer at around 6:24am. Then, it must be performed again if there is any secretion of blood, urine, feces, semen, or even gas before the next prayer time. With prayer five times per day, it is no wonder that Muslim people are very clean all day!

The washing ceremony, which I was taught by some Muslim friends, involves washing first the right hand three times, then the left. Then your mouth is washed out three times. Inhale water into your nostrils three times (without swallowing). Then, you wash your face completely including your eyeballs, only once. After that, wash your arms from wrist to elbow, three times, right side first. Then wet your hair, from front to back and back to front, then your ears. One time each. Lastly, wash your feet (right side first, as always) three times to the ankle.

Now, you are ready to pray! This washing can be done in less than two minutes by someone who is efficient, but it takes me more than five minutes each time.... More interesting customs to come!

Day 22 - Gender Equity? Really?

Women’s rights in Islam...

Wait. What rights??
When most Americans think of Muslim women (they refer to themselves as "Muslimahs"), some images come to mind. Perhaps this:

Maybe even this…


Regardless of how we picture them physically, we almost ALWAYS, as Americans, picture them something like this:

...Trapped in some sort of ancient subservient role, where their importance is negligible – they are mostly there to provide food, sexual gratification, and children to the men who REALLY matter in society. This is due primarily to the cultural practices in the “Muslim world” abroad. Truth be told, in Islam, according to the Quran, women are afforded many more rights and must more status than most westerners (that’s us) believe.

Women have historically been creatures of less status than men. At times in history, they were considered property which could be bought, sold, traded, or disposed of on a whim. They were behind men in gaining legal rights, prestige, status, education.

Even in Islam’s so-called “equal” view of women, I found it humorous that they refer to us as “womenfolk” in one article I read on the subject. Islam declares that the rights and responsibilities of women are “different but equal” to those of men. Ah, this is sounding familiar. “Different but equal” is the phrase invented by men to trick us “womenfolk” into thinking that we have the same rights, we just don’t get to do certain things because we don’t have a penis. Like voting, for instance? Or owning property? Or making the same amount of money as a man who has the same job and work experience?Yeah, that “different but equal” stuff has been thrown around a lot by men. Nonetheless, I wanted to know what the actual rights were of a woman. We know because of yesterday’s post that a woman can divorce her husband. We also know that she has the right to refuse marriage to someone that she doesn’t want to marry.

Islam proclaims “equity” rather than “equality” between the genders. Because women are made differently, psychologically and physiologically, they have a different role to play – an equally important role, but a different one. My research leads me to believe that certain statements in Islam actually back up their claim of gender equity, though.

For instance, Islam refutes the idea that Eve tempted Adam, and thus caused the downfall of man. The Quran rightly points out that they both ate the fruit and were equally at fault, regardless of who ate first. This is an excellent point, in my book.

Education: Women have as much right to an education as men. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) declared in AD 600 that the pursuit of knowledge is incumbent upon every Muslim, male and female.

Motherhood: Mothers have a raised status in Islam. More respect and time is to be dedicated to caring for mothers than fathers, according to the Quran. When a man asked the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) who he should spend more quality time with, the Prophet answered “Your mother.” The man asked: “Who next?” the Prophet again answered “Your mother.” The man asked, “who is next?” The prophet answered again “Your mother.” And who is next, the man asked. This time the prophet answered “Your father.” Clearly the mother is given precedence over the father.

The Law: Islam DOES grant women equal rights to contract, enterprise, earn and possess independently. And a woman’s penalty, if she commits any offense, is no less than a man’s. (OFTEN, I would point out, in Muslim Countries, it is WAY more. That is my perception, not necessarily fact. Also, it should be pointed out that this is more of a cultural thing than a religious thing.)

Money: Women are, for some reason, exempt from financial liabilities. This means their husbands or fathers assume all of the liability for raising them and providing for them. If a woman is proposed to, she has the right to ask for money up front (or possessions), and whatever she enters a marriage with, she leaves with – she keeps all of her possessions.

Work: It is emphasized in Islam that if a woman does not want to work outside the home, she should not have to, however, if a woman wishes to, she is free to work outside the home, pursue higher education, etc (provided her security and honor are safeguarded).

Polygamy: I know, this seems out of sequence. But I think polygamy is a women's rights issue, so I'm addressing it here. I was shocked to find out that marrying more than one wife seems to be rather common among Muslims, even American Muslims! However, the current wife must approve the marriage, if the husband decides to take another wife.

An interesting side note, most of the girls I spoke to in my research seemed to be ok with the idea of having a “sister wife.” They said that, should their husbands desire another woman for more children, or any number of other reasons, they would support his decision out of their love for him rather than seek a divorce.

The multiple wife scenario is such that each wife must have exactly the same as the others - they must each have their own home, their own things, their own funds and it must be equal in all respects. Husbands are permitted to take at least four wives, provided they can treat them equally:

Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one. (Quran, Surah 4:3)

Imams here in the US are at least not open about being willing to find a second wife for a family, or perform a plural marriage. The ones I have information from claim that they will not perform plural marriage in the United States due to legality, however, any man with ordination in Islam as a teacher or leader can perform a plural marriage. It is also important to note that “different but equal” means women can NOT have multiple husbands.

“There does exist a gap between the rights of women outlined in the Qur’an and the prevalent reality in the Muslim world. However, images of Muslim women as ignorant, oppressed and submissive are stereotypical. They do not do justice to the large number of Muslim women whose conviction in Islamic concepts of family cohesiveness, happiness and individualist ensures their sense of self-fulfillment”

www.WhyIslam.org, 2010

Day 21 - Islamic Divorce (and Remarriage)



When I got divorced, it was a messy affair. My ex-husband wanted everything, and I just wanted my kids. We fought in court for YEARS trying to settle it. He who had most money won. (Not me.)

Divorce is never a good thing, and I wish it never had to take place. Anyone who has been through a divorce would agree with me: that while it may at times be necessary, it is never good.

Islam strongly discourages divorce, much like Christianity and Judaism, but it does make allowances for BOTH parties to be granted one. 

Divorce is strongly discouraged and should only be granted for a good reason.It has been said in Islam that divorce is the most hateful grievance to God, so the gravity of divorce should not be missed. Men are instructed not to divorce their wives until they have exhausted all of their resources, even if she is badly misbehaving (read: cheating on him). Arbitration is required to be attempted first (along with a few other things):
"As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct: 1. Admonish them, 2. Refuse to share their beds, 3. Beat them; but if they return to obediance seek not against them means of annoyance (don't take revenge): for Allah is Most High, Great (he'll take care of that). 4. If you fear a break between them, appoint two arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation."

Uhhh.... wait just one seond there. BEAT HER? Really? Well, while modern Islamic scholars claim that this just means "berate her verbally until she yeilds", I think it's fair to say that this is disturbing to the prospective or current wife. However, it is specifically referring to "disloyalty and ill-conduct". While this could really be interpreted to mean a variety of things, I think its safe to say that infidelity is the main thing that falls under this category. So under Jewish law? The woman gets stoned for cheating. I guess I pick a beating over a stoning any day. (Not that I would cheat!)

If DO you choose to go through with divorce it is NOT a short process. For a husband to divorce a wife, he must pronounce that he is divorcing her. This cannot be done while she is on her period. (I find this humorous. I wonder how many men are tempted to pronounce divorce while their wives are PMS-ing?) He must pronounce it AFTER she has had her monthly period. He must then wait a month (at least) and pronounce it again after she has had her period. He must then wait a month and pronounce it a third time. There must be at least a month (but can be as long as you want) in between pronouncements, and it must follow her monthly period. The third time he pronounces it, they are divorced. That couple could not even change their mind and stay married after the third proclamation - No take-backs!

An interesting side note. The couple can get remarried to each other eventually, but not immediately. First, the (ex)wife has to find another man to marry, have sexual relations with him, and subsequently divorce him (although it is strictly forbidden to find and marry another man just so that you can divorce him and remarry your first husband). It is sort of a "buffer" marriage between the marriage and reconciliation of former spouses.

So who can divorce who?

The husband can divorce his wife with the three pronouncements of divorce, and this is called Talaq. If he divorces her, he cannot take back anything he has given her in the marriage, so she gets EVERYTHING in the divorce. (I'm for that part!)

The wife can also divorce her husband, through what is known as Khalu, which basically means she has to go to [a Muslim] court and sue for the divorce (perhaps in modern America, while there would be a legal system proceeding, there would also need to be a release from her marrige by the Imam). If she divorces HIM, she has to give back everything he's given her in the marriage.

I found an interesting story in the Bukhari hadith, where a woman came to the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and asked if she could dissolve her marriage. She didn't have a good reason, he was a good man, took care of her, didn't hit her, she just didn't like him and didn't want to spend the rest of her life with a man she didn't like. The Prophet said "Are you willing to give him back the marriage gifts?" She said yes, and he told her to be her merry way as a single woman (translation mine).

It seems that although divorce is difficult to achieve in almost any religion, women in Islam fare about as well (or better) than women in other religions. They have the right to request divorce (unlike Judaism), and, although it is discouraged, almost any reason will due (I just can't stand the SOB!).

Thanks to Shawn Rogers, for the lovely cupcakes pictured in this post. She made these for me after my divorce!

Day 18 - Detour [or] Roadmap for the Journey

Can I just say that you guys are GREAT? I mean, seriously. I've been doing this experiment for what - 2 weeks? And you guys have faithfully clicked on my pages and read my sometimes inspiring sometimes weepably piteous blathering more and more each day. I have had almost 1,000 reads in the past 17 days! I am grateful, so thank you all and I hope you stick with me through the journey in its entirity.

I mentioned in the first days that I planned to cover the top 6 religions in the United States. This is going to be rather a long project (but don't lose hope! I bet I'll keep you interested the ENTIRE TIME!).

Here is my projected timeline...

SEPTEMBER - OCTOBER
Islam (in progress) - September 28 - October 27

NOVEMBER
Wrapping up Islam, highlighting next religion.
Also, writing a novel of 50,000 words or more during the month of November. It is going to incorporate my blog topics in someway, so I won't neglect my blogging! (and yes, I realize the insanity of this plan.)

DECEMBER - JANUARY
Christianity, Catholicism and various Christian subcultures.
Because of the hugely diverse sects within Christianity, I have decided to extend it to two months.

mid-FEBRUARY - mid-MARCH
Hinduim

mid-APRIL - mid-MAY
Judaism

SOMETIME AFTER MAY:
Buddhism & Unitarian

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Hey, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May... That's 9 months. WELL OVER 180 days." And I totally agree. But REALLY, the hope was 30 days per religion times the top 6 religions, so thats 180 days total. The other days are just cushion, right? That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

So, I don't want to lose you, and I will keep writing what you're reading (since there is a magical button called "stats" on my blog and I can see what pages and topics you like best and refer to your friends!)... I just figured you might like to know where we're going.

I am a writer in my bones, I love to understand other perspectives, and while fantasy writers live in a world they create, I inhabit other people's spaces until I can see through their lenses, then I move to the next. I hope in my journey, you can also see other people's existences.

Follow the Journey on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/joni.martin#!/pages/North-Richland-Hills-TX/Journey-Around-the-Worlds-Religions/133947356654490?v=wall

Day 17 - Muslim Marriages

In India, as many as 95% of marriages are arranged. Overall, less than 5% of arranged marriages end in divorce. Perhaps because these marriages are based upon compatibility of the partners - rather than hormones, commonly mistaken for "love."

Among Muslims, an arranged marriage refers to a marriage where husband and wife became acquainted during meetings initially arranged by their parents, with the stated intention of finding a spouse. This process usually starts with the family asking questions about the personality, beauty, family, education, and finances of a potential partner. After finding someone that appears to be compatible, they make a recommendation for the couple to begin meeting.

Islam prohibits unmarried, unrelated men and women being alone together and physical relationships are not part of the meetings. The couple makes the decision whether to accept the marriage or not, since Islamic law prohibits marrying anyone against his or her will. (New World Encyclopedia, 2010)

In my exposure to American Muslims, I have found this to be an accurate portrayal, although it doesn't always involve the families of the bride and groom, since many times, these marriages involve a groom from other countries who has moved to the US and a bride who may or may not come from a Muslim family and/or culture.

From what I've gathered from my local Muslim friends, marriage is a tricky maze of matchmaking, courting, and logistics!

Take Hannah and Jude*, for example. It is typical for a woman who is ready to marry in the religion of Islam, to tell her parents she is ready for them to find her a husband, if they are Muslim. However, more times than not, the family is looking before the bride-to-be is ready! Since Hannah was an American convert to Islam, she needed an intermediary to meet her husband, so she joins with countless others who enlist the help of the Imam. Besides being the prayer leader, spiritual guru at the local mosque, and part time counselor for mosque members, the Imam is also part of an extensive network of matchmakers. Hannah asked for her name to be added to a list of available women, and Jude was on the list as an available man. "THE LIST" includes information from prospective brides and grooms from all over the continent. It includes how much money they make, as well as their social, religious, ethnic, racial, educational, and professional background. The men and women on THE LIST provide the same information to their Imams, although the female pictures are kept hidden until a potentially serious inquiry is made (due to the inherent male tendency of thoughts going south when they see a picture of a female!).

When men showed interest in her (there was no picture, mind you), and they passed the screening of what she was looking for, the Imam sent the list of interested men to Hannah. Hannah then found one that she was very interested in and the Imams coordinated getting their information to each other so that they could communicate. Hannah and Jude emailed and spoke on the phone and asked each other questions. Hannah said one of the most fun things in getting to know Jude was going through the "100 questions to ask before you get married" ... she still keeps the notebook where she wrote down his answers (http://www.jannah.org/sisters/queshusbands.html).

Jude is more than a decade older than the nineteen year old Hannah, but he is established in his career, financially stable, and ready to start a family, so they decide they are suitable for each other and arrange and in-person meeting to seal the deal before tying the knot. They were set up, saw each other and married in less than 2 months.

Much like internet dating, there are websites that match people based on levels of compatibility. The physical appearance just doesn't factor into the initial stages of choosing a mate, and these are not people who are interested in dating - they are looking for a lifelong partner who they (hopefully) like and are (hopefully) physically attracted to, but more importantly, are compatible with on all levels! It is a very scientific approach, using the Muslim marriage websites or THE LIST method (note: THE LIST is the name I have given it... I'm not sure if there's a proper name for the Imam matchmaking service).

While the idea of marrying someone we've only met once in person might seem a little daunting to most Americans, the idea that we marry someone that we are compatible with completely (or at least narrow down the list of possibilities to only those we are compatible with) makes a whole lot of sense. Really, would it be such a bad idea to narrow the list of prospective life partners to people that we have something in common with, instead of basing our decision majorly on factors like whether or not we like facial hair, and how fashion conscious (s)he is?

So, Hannah and Jude have been married now for about a year. They have an adorable baby, who loves me (all babies do!). I asked Hannah how she thinks it turned out and she says "You know, I got lucky. I wouldn't reccomend it for everyone - I mean, what if you got someone who hit you or was abusive or something? I didn't even know him, and it could have turned out really different. But Jude isn't so bad!"

Read more about arranged marriages in America! http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95683604&ps=rs

*Names have been changed to protect identity.

Day 16 - Stages of Life

Note: this is the layman's version of the Islamic stages of life and should be read as such.

A few weeks ago, on a Thursday morning, my ex-father-in-law woke my children, fixed them breakfast, helped them get dressed, and made sure their backpacks were full and zipped. Their dad had left before dawn to go to work that day, so Grandpa was helping out, and after buckling them up in his truck and driving them to school, he kissed them goodbye.

Lunches in hand, my children got out of his truck and walked into their school, never realizing that it was the last time they would see their Grandpa. That morning with my children was his heart's last act of love. As he drove out of the parking lot of their school only minutes after dropping them off, he had a massive heart attack, and kept driving beyond this world to the heavenly one.

He was a good man and a wonderful grandpa. In a family that I married into and treated me as an outsider, he always showed me love and grace. During the ordeal that was my divorce, he prayed for me every day, calling me "daughter", telling me that through all of the bitterness, that he loved me and prayed that we would all reach a place of peace. His prayers were daily, throughout his life. He first bowed his head and heart to God in the mornings before greeting his day. His head bowed at Thanksgiving, he would weep with gratitude at the blessings God had given him and all of us. His death unexpected, we were unprepared, surprised, gripped with the sadness that accompanies unforseen loss.

Throughout all of time, people have needed to know what happens after death. Where do loved ones go? Are people rewarded and go to a place of peace and rest, when they have lived a good life? Are evil people punished after death? Every religion I know of adresses the afterlife, and Islam even adresses the pre-life. In Islam there are 5 stages of life

Stage 1. There are no new souls. The first stage of life was at the beginning of time. God created all of the souls that would ever exist and spoke to them. He told them that he Created them, and they agreed that he was their Creator, and he was God. In reality, all souls according to Islam have accepted submission to God before life is even breathed into their body.

Stage 2. Life on earth is only a short portion of Life overall. When a soul inhabits a body at conception, it begins life on earth. That life continues until death. It is possibly the shortest phase of life in Islam, but also very important. It is only during this phase of life that you can choose relationship with God both intellectually and emotionally. It is only in this phase of life that you have the option of ignoring God altogether. It is in this phase only that your relationships with other souls matter. And in this phase, you can help others reach heaven.

Stage 3. Purgatory is also a place in Islam. After death, you are transported to a waiting room, where you will wait until all of the other souls cross over from pre-life through the earthly world, into the waiting place. You take with you no possessions, but you take deeds - both evil and good. I think of it as two buckets, a good bucket and a bad bucket. If you have accepted Islam and loved God, there is also grace that can make up the difference between the good and bad, should they be placed on a scale and the bad outweighs the good. Also, those left on earth can make supplication for you, do charity in your name, and those things still being done on earth can contribute to your good bucket. Your love of God, even if you don't know the "true" way of Islam is contributed to your good bucket as well.

Stage 4. Judgment Day. When all of the souls have crossed over from the beginning place through the earth and into the "purgatory" waiting room, God will judge every person. I think this probably takes a while. Can you imagine waiting in line and trying to work out in your head what God will say when you get your turn in line? Sounds like a stressful place to be, especially if you're not sure where you stand. God takes all of your good deeds and places them on a scale. Then he puts all of your bad deeds on the other side of the scale.

Stage 5. Heaven and/or Hell. Here's where it gets a little tricky:

a. If you have converted to Islam, you are covered by a "bridge policy" between your good and bad deeds that will hopefully make up the difference in grace, but only if you really loved God and lived a life that tried to please him. Those people will usually go straight to heaven.

b. If you had Islam (submission to God) presented to you in its truth and authentically, you are held responsible for that. If you reject the truth that was offered to you after you have seen it in authenticity, you are sent to hell. Rejecting God is the only reason you would get sent straight to hell, regardless of how good of a life you lived.
HOWEVER, if you had Islam presented to you, or you found out about it, in a way that was not true to the spirit of Islam (for instance, the only thing you knew about it was that Muslims flew into the towers on 9/11), you are not held accountable for having heard of Islam at all, so you fall into the next category. As well, if you have never heard of Islam at all, you fall into the next category (c).

c. If you did not convert to Islam (but did not reject submission to God in its truest form), you are judged based on your deeds without the "bridge policy." If your good deeds outweigh your bad, you can go on to heaven (keep in mind that people can add to your good deeds after you're dead). If your bad deeds outweight your good, you are "sentenced" to a term in what I call "hell prison." This is not death row, and after you serve your sentence, you can go over to heaven.

In essence, the only people who get a one-way ticket to hell are those people who either reject God altogether, or ascribe diety and equality of God with something else that is not God. For instance, if you believed in God/Allah, but you also believed the goddess Athena was equal in power and status as the main God.

It is comforting to think of your loved ones in the waiting room, waiting for you to cross over, and its also comforting to think that you can still work while on earth to assure their future with you in heaven.

Day 15 - A Crash Course in Depth

Like any religion, Islam has several levels, but unlike most religions, the levels are clearly defined, build upon one another, and are bascially:

Ritual --> Realization --> Relationship

The first level of Islam is the actions of being Muslim. It means incorporating the Five Pillars of Worship into life, which are the ritualistic elements:
1. Making a public statement of faith that there is no God but God alone, and Muhammad was his messenger.
2. Praying five times daily
3. Contibuting at least 2.5% of your income and assets to charity
4. Fasting from dawn to dusk each day for the 30 days of Ramadan
5. Making a once in a lifetime pilgrimage to Mecca.


The second level, deeper and going beyond the ritual, is intellectually embracing the beliefs of Islam and changing your thought patterns. It is believing the foundational beliefs of Islam - and belief requires agreement with your mind. I think about people who believe things without knowing what it is they believe exactly.

Believe (verb)
to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.

Believing requires abandoning passivity and embracing and active engagement of your thoughts, to allign with that which you're believing in. It involves the intellect, and the action of aligning your thoughts with a set of tenets that are not inherent in human existence.

The third (and deepest) level is the heart. It is the emotional investment in belief. It is the hardest to do, but it is the most important level, if you truly want to know God. For Muslims, the third level is Sufism - the heart of Islam. It is the conceptual framework of the religion and builds the bridge between the intellect and actions to the intangible creation of a relationship between yourself and God.

Note: When I say "sufism," I am simply referring to the original meaning of the word, not the group of people who identify themselves as Sufis necessarily. A "sufi" in the purest sense of the word is simply a Muslim who seeks direct experience of Allah. There are Sufi orders, and a group of people who identify themselves as Sufi, but I was just referring to the raw meaning of the word.

Only when you reach the third level can you truly understand the deep compassion and love within Islam, and, while you can live your life disregarding this level, only when you reach it have you begun relationship with God.

Day 14 - An Islamic Approach to Miscarriage

When someone asks me how many children I have, I say three. Three beautiful, smart, funny children. But I really have four. The truth is, I had a pregnancy at 19, unplanned and unwanted. I was unmarried, and I was scared out of my mind. I didn't want to be pregnant, I didn't want the fallout that would occur when I told my friends and family. I told my best friend as a "test subject" and she said "Oh my god, I am so disappointed in you. How could you do this [horrible sin]?" I told my boyfriend (the baby's father) and he said, "You have ruined my life." (Like he had no part in it?!)

When I miscarried at 12 weeks, after weeks of throwing up everything I ate and exercising like a madwoman (at the time I was in the Air Force), I felt relief. Complete relief that I would not be having an unwanted baby, complete relief that I would not have to raise a child on my own or tell my parents or my pastor about my mistake. I also felt guilt. It was because of what I had done, running 5 miles a day, doing 3 floors of stairs five times after breakfast and five more after dinner. It was because I hadn't eaten right and because, most of all, I hadn't wanted this child. In short, I felt responsible for this.

The last thing I felt was sadness... because even if this wasn't the right time or place, it was part of me, and after knowing for 6 weeks that I was pregnant, I had begun to become attached to this being inside of me. The relief eventually faded, and the guilt and sadness grew into loss, and for years I mourned that child. When I later got married and didn't get pregnant, I felt that it was because of my sin, because in some way, God was punishing me for my feelings and my thoughts.

Motherhood is often intrinsically connected to our identity as a woman. I still think about that first baby I lost - how old she would be today, what she would look like, what her personality would have been like. I wonder if she would have been funny like me, if she would have been smart like her dad. Her name was Hope, and she has been for the past 12 years, a hole in my heart that I have filled with all the love I have as a mother.

As a mother, I don't know if there is a more painful experience than losing a child. You feel inadequate, you feel responsible, you feel guilty. I think across the board, all mothers feel this way to some extent. You feel like there had to be something different you could have done, something more to prevent this. Even when you read the science that miscarriage is nature's way of dealing with genetic abnormalities, that life couldn't have survived outside the womb, you still feel the loss of the soul that drifted beyond your grasp into the unknown.

In Islam, miscarriage is specifically addressed. The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said "The miscarried fetus that I send before me is dearer to me than a rider whom I leave behind." He ackowledged the pain of miscarriage, and he acknowledged the real loss that a mother feels. He also says later "By him in whose Hand is my life, the miscarried fetus will drag his mother towards the paradise, with his navel string if she had shown the patience for the sake of reward from Allah."

Not only does Muhammad (pbuh) acknowledge the pain and loss of a miscarriage, he addresses the future. The child will be waiting in paradise  - his tie always intact with her, and his inate goodness pulling her toward her Creator.The beauty of this description of the child waiting and holding the bond with his/her mother beyond the grave offers comfort to the grieving mother, and is one of the beautiful facets of Islam that I have come to admire.

Day 11 - Differences that Divide

I have come to the conclusion that organized religion as a whole has made a huge mistake. The mistake was not in encouraging people to reach God, or in giving them a path to walk. The mistake was in making their own path the exclusive road to God. Instead of unifying humanity in an effort to love God, organized religion (in an effort to control the path to God and thus control the travellers on that path) has pitted humanity against each other in an eternal battle of who is "right" and who is going to hell. And EVERYONE thinks they are RIGHT.

It is not just religions who battle it out between one another - the Christians verses the Hindus verses the Jews - within religions, sects or denominations also seek the exclusive rights to being the only ones who have God's ear.

That being said, Islam is no different with the sects, and I hope I can explain the denominations here in an understandable way.

The vast majority (84 to 90 percent) of all Muslims are Sunni. This is about the same as the percent of religious people in the US who are Christians, to put it in perspective! :-)
Sunni means "tradition" and they emphasize following the traditions and teaching of Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the early Muslims who formed the Muslim "church" similar to the early Christian church, who formed the basic principles and practices of Christianity.

Shi'ite muslims make up about 10-16%. They believe that Ali, Muhammad's son-in-law was his successor and that the Muslim community at large should be headed by designated descendents of Muhammad.

Sufis are to Islam what Kaballah is to Judaism or what Charimatic Christianity is to mainstream Christians. They are a little "out there." Generally, most Muslims still view Sufis to be Muslim, but some uber traditional ones don't. Sufis have alot of admiration in my book, however, because they emphasize, more than any other branch, the importance of a personal relationship with God, a personal EXPERIENCE of God, and personal as well as spiritual growth. A number of Sufi orders (much like monastic orders) exist. Historically, Sufism has played an enormous role in Islam - both in literature and in producing scholars and poets. Sufis were more responsible for the spread of the Islamic religion outside of the Arabic world than any other group, and converted people in primarily sub-Saharan Africa, south Asia (Pakistan, India and Bangladesh) and central Asia.

Its interesting to note that although the sects call themselves by different names (and there are a few lesser-known and lesser-associated with Islam sects), they all are unified by the spirit of Islam - to know God, to love God, to submit to God.
Sunnis and Shi'ites alike pray five times a day. The both hold to the Essential Beliefs and the Pillars of Worship... the division is the path to God...and one wonders, if you're headed to the same destination, does it matter so much how you get there?

Day 10 - Sweet Blasphemy - Loving God Part II

I have a foundational belief, that being: God is love.

The God who is love is the reason I began this project. I read a book called The Fourty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak and it altered my perspective on loving God. I grew up believing that there was only one way to love God and that my perspective on God (the Christian perspective) was the ONLY [right] perspective. I believed that other religions were worshipping someone other than "my" God, the REAL God.

A parable was told by the Shams of Tabriz, a Muslim scholar who taught and learned from Rumi, a well-known Muslim scholar, teacher, and poet. The parable Shams told was of loving God "correctly" and it was part of the beginning of my eyes being opened to the idea that perhaps there is more than one correct way to love God.

I don't know if I'm violating some copyright rules, but here is the story told by Shams:

One day Moses was walking in the mountains on his own when he saw a shepherd in the distance. The man was on his knees with his hands spread out to the sky, praying. Moses was delighted. But when he got closer, he was stunned to hear the man's prayer:

"Oh my beloved God, I love Thee more than Thou can know. I will do anything for Thee, just say the word. Even if Thou asked me to slaughter my fattest sheep in Thy name, I would do so without hesitation. Thou would roast it and put its tail fat in Thy rice to make it more tasty."

Moses inched toward the shepherd, listening attentively.

"Afterward, I would wash Thy feet and clean Thine ears and pick Thy lice for Thee. That is how much I love Thee."

Moses had heard enough. He interrupted the shepherd yelling "Stop, you ignorant man! What do you think you are doing? Do you think God eats rice? Do you think God has feet for you to wash? This is not prayer! It is sheer blasphemy."

Dazed and ashamed, the shepherd apologized repeatedly and promised to pray as decent people did. Moses taught him several prayers that afternoon. Then he went on his way, utterly pleased with himself.

But that night, Moses heard a voice. It was God's.

"Oh, Moses, what have you done? You scolded that poor shepherd and failed to realize how dear he was to me. He might not be saying the right things in the right way, but he was sincere. His heart was pure and his intentions good. I was pleased with him. His words might have been blasphemy to your ears, but to Me, they were sweet blasphemy.:

Moses immediately understood his mistake. The next day, early in the morning he went back to the mountains to see the shepherd. He was praying again, but this time he was praying in the way he had been instructed. In his determination to get the prayer right, he was stammering, bereft of the excitement and passion of his earlier prayer. Regretting what he had done to him, Moses patted the shepherd's back and said: "My friend, I was wrong. Please forgive me. Keep praying in your own way. That is more precious in God's eyes." (Elif Shafak, The Fourty Rules of Love, pg 51)

I was judging the way that other people connected to God and the path that they took to reach him. In reality, I was prescribing a path to God based entirely upon my cultural context of God. If other's connection to God is real, and if their prayers are sincere, regardless of my personal or cultural belief system I believe that a God of love cannot possibly ignore that. A God who is love cannot turn his back on himself and reject the love given to him.

The book I read began to change my perspective and made me wonder what the other perspectives looked like... hence my journey.

Day 10 - Loving God

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

- Rumi

The strongest motivator in any relationship is love. No less in Islam: the most important thing is that a Muslim love God, and from that love results submission, obedience, and peace. But the LOVE OF GOD is the keystone of Islam. "Love is what integrates the human soul, and the ultimate object of love is God." (Ahmad al-Ghazali)

If a life lived without love is not living at all, and if love is what creates life, what continues life, what extends life, and what enhances life, then the object of our love determines the dimensions of our world, in a manner of speaking. Loving other humans increases our dimensions of experience in life. Loving ideas or ideals increases our dimensions in an intellectual way. Loving GOD, who is described as everything - All knowing, All powerful, All controlling, Eternal, All seeing, All hearing - Loving God would then increase our dimensions of living to vast, perhaps infinite, proportions.

Love is an important concept in all religions, not just Islam. It is notably important to love God in Christianity certainly, but actually acting on the love is a different matter altogether. If loving God is important, what exactly does that mean to the Muslim who, by definition, is following a religion of peace, submission and obediance? How does love play into the whole scheme of things?

Putting aside the abstract idea of how one goes about emotionally loving God and producing the feeling of love, one must physically show love to the one being loved. Physical demonstrations of love are clearly set forth in the Five Pillars of Worship, in which all Muslims take part:

1. Shahada: A person becomes a Muslim by making the basic statement of testimony: "I testify that there is no God but God, and Muhammad was [one of] his messenger[s]"
2. Salat: Salat is a formal, ritualized prayer performed at five specified times each day, consisting of a sequence of recitations and bodily positions, including prostration with one's forehead touching the ground. (Interestingly, 47% of Muslims in America perform Salat five times daily. 66% perform Salat at least once daily. I wonder how many Christians would be able to say that they pray five times daily at specific times, were it required? Or Jews?)
3. Zakat: Charity and giving is important in the Muslim religion, and Zakat is due yearly and can be given to any charity, but primarily one that promotes Islam is encouraged. Zakat is 2.5% of income and assets.
4. Saum: Fasting during the month of Ramadan from sunrise to sunset is an important way that Muslims act out their love for God and recieve spiritual renewal.
5. Hajj: At least once in his or her life, Muslims are expected to make a pilgrimage to Mecca and perform a series of tasks related to remembering Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac and remembering the life of Muhammad.

Performing the rituals and rites don't create love, however much they come out of love. Its important to remember that loving God begats the desire to please him by service and obediance and submission. Love came first, and everything else grew from that love.

Ritual becoming real involves the infusion of love. And the relationship that God desires requires a catalyst of love.

Last Sunday afternoon, sitting with three beautiful Muslim sisters, Lubi spoke of getting past the ritual of Islam and making a personal choice to love God:

"[In many cases], you are born into [Islam] and you don't really think about it as much because you're just told you have to do it like this or like that, and this is how you think and this is what you should believe, and you just learn to believe that.

Some people question themselves, question their parents, question the religion, some people are told it's forbidden to question - that you shouldn't you should just accept it, so I started questioning - not the [existence] of Allah, but some of the practices that we do: Why do we do it like this? Why are we Sunni and they are Shi'ite?

I went for my Hajj with my parents when I realized the importance of it all. Seeing the Ka'ba (altar) in front of me and reading the Qur'an and the biography of the prophet changed me. When I went back [home], I studied the Qur'an. I love the teachings of the Bible and the teachings of the Christians, and I love Jesus. But in my heart of hearts, I know that every word in [the Qur'an] is from God. He is speaking to me."

Lubi's task was not to seek for love because it was there in front of her. God was there in front of her, and a relationship with Him possible at any time. Her task was to remove the barriers that she built in herself against it.
Her task was to MAKE IT PERSONAL.

I believe that...

Love must be personal to be real.

Loving with abandon is ecstasy. 

We were made to hope and to love, it is our nature as humans.

Seeking God, pursuing love, learning trust - these are natural yearnings of the human heart.

Wait, until you take a look inside yourself -
Recognize, what is growing there.
Oh seeker,
A leaf in this garden,
Means more than all leaves
You will find in paradise!

Come, come, whoever you are.
Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
It doesn't matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
a thousand times
Come, yet again, come, come

-Rumi