For a religion that tells you which side of your body to wash first in the bathtub, is it any wonder that Islam has quite a number of instructions regarding parenting as well? As I was learning the information regarding parenting in Islam, I found that there was one thing that surprised me (the stance on breastfeeding), as well as a few things that are just good practices for ANYONE, regardless of their religion!
Breastfeeding: It was interesting to me to see that the Quran specifically addresses breastfeeding! Not just to DO it, but the length of time that is recommended, what to do if the mother cannot (or will not) breastfeed, and what happens in the case of a divorce...
“The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms if they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (her) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear Allah and know that Allah sees well what ye do.” (2:233)
Parents and Children:
"Rights" of various people are emphasized frequently in the Quran, probably due to the Arabic society from which Islam originated which disregarded almost every right of anyone except an Arabic Male.
The mothers in particular have an important role in child-rearing (since that is their major obligation) much more so than the father, who is ordered to provide for the family and go out to work and to war. Islam reinforces the family as the most basic social unit. It encourages children to thank their parents, most particularly the Mother, who has had to be pregnant with the child, delivery, sacrifice, breastfeeding, and care/nurture for the child. It's an interesting side note that Muhammad (pbuh) himself was an orphan and probably had some elevated ideas about how it would be to have parents and how he would treat them if he did. In addition to saying in short that a mother should be cared for and loved at least three times more than a father, Muhammad (pbuh) goes a step further to say that doing good and caring for your mother will result in points for your good bucket. "Paradise lies under the feet of the mother."
RIGHTS OF PARENTS:
(1) To be respected and obeyed [by their children]. This one made me laugh a little bit - you can give me a badge and a gun with that unconditional respect and obedience, and I doubt my children will still respect that RIGHT of mine 100% of the time!! The Prophet (pbuh) further mentions that if a child "annoys" or "disobeys" their parent, it can and will lead to God's wrath. Perhaps this would be a bigger motivator?
(2) To discipline and guide in order to protect the child and mold them into a fine upstanding citizen and Muslim. (The Quran even says spanking is A-Okay)
(3) To be looked after, should they become ill, old, or otherwise unable to look after themselves, financially in particular.
::“People ask you (O Prophet) how should they spend. Say, ‘whatever you spend should be spent on Allah (in good cause), on parents, near relatives, on orphans, destitutes and travelers (who fall short of money in foreign lands).”::
(4) To be helped physically (with cleaning, lifting, or any manner of things they need help with).
(5) To be spoken to and behaved toward kindly. Including NOT putting them into nursing homes, being kind and respectful (no matter how crazy and old they are).
RIGHTS OF CHILDREN:
(1) Food, clothes, protection (both physical and moral)
(2) Education - religious and bookish knowledge is required. The goal - to develop a well-rounded personality. The Prophet (pbuh) believed in education for ALL children, both girls and boys, and said once "The best of you is one who gives a good education to his children."
(3) Love and Affection - The Prophet (pbuh) emphasized the importance of love and affection for children. He was himself orphaned and assumedly devoid of that love and affection throughout his own childhood, so he sought to enforce upon the people around him the importance of love and affection of children. He even adopted an orphaned child and treated him as a son his whole life. Stories have it that the Prophet (pbuh) loved children greatly: He would allow his grandsons Hassan and Hussain to ride his shoulders even during his prayers. In streets he would offer ‘salaam’ to children, play and cut jokes with them. Sometimes he would even kiss small children in the street. Once a Bedouin saw the Prophet kissing a small kid. Out of wonder he said, “I have eight children but I never kiss them”. The Prophet remarked, “What can I do if Allah has taken away love and compassion from your heart”. The Prophet would show special kindness to orphaned children.
(4) To be well provided for financially - it was emphasized that parents should be concerned with what they are leaving behind for their children - not spending their money on themselves and their material possessions, but laying up stores to provide for their children
These are great principles for anyone to follow, regardless of whether they are Muslim or not!
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