A Mormon Perspective on saying NO to more children

Last Sunday I spent 3 hours finishing off Mormonism in an LDS Church with a sweet friend I met online, Janie. She has her own blog here. She kindly met me here in North Richland Hills so we could go to the ward near my home. As I have been reading her blog, I asked her to share her unique perspective and the LDS perspective on contraception and sterilization. Here are her thoughts:

A Mormon Perspective on Pregnancy, Family Planning, and Sterilization

After During my pregnancy with my fourth child, I was SURE we were done. I told everyone my husband was getting the big snip and I reminded him frequently. I got a card for an urologist from my OB and I carried that card in my wallet. I was considering permanent measures so that I would never EVER have to experience morning sickness again. Add to that: we already had four children (a bigger family than many), my husband had recently been laid off his job, and our house was already bursting at the seams. Four was enough, we were done.


Then our baby was born and the pregnancy behind me, my heart softened to the idea of letting God ((and our libido)) take charge of which spirits would join our home. Clearly, God was not done, for we now have five beautiful children, none of whom I could imagine living without.

I was reading about Muslim Stages of Life on Joni’s blog. The line "There are no new souls" stopped me. Huh? What? No new souls?
I read on:

There are no new souls. The first stage of life was at the beginning of time. God created all of the souls that would ever exist and spoke to them. He told them that he Created them, and they agreed that he was their Creator, and he was God. In reality, all souls according to Islam have accepted submission to God before life is even breathed into their body.

As I read, I realized that of course my religion believes that too: we were all together in pre-existence. LDS teaches us that there are no new souls, and that all of us lived together in brotherhood before coming to our earthly bodies, where we have the opportunity to choose Jesus Christ and his atonement, and secure our eternity in the Celestial Kingdom.

I picture a long, long hallway of doors and a spirit walking down that hall, hoping for a body, and going to door after door much like Joseph and Mary did. If the spirit came to our door, I wondered if I could look it in the face and say “Oh, I’m sorry, there’s no more room in our family. We can’t take you because I get really sick for a few months and when I give birth, my pelvis feels like its going to crack in half. Try some other family.”

In the 2010 Church Handbook of Instructions (which has recently been put online) it says this about surgical sterilization as a form of birth control:
"The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control. It should be considered only if 1) medical conditions seriously jeopardize life or health or 2) birth defects or serious trauma have rendered a person mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions. Such conditions must be determined by competent medical judgment and in accordance with law. Even then, the persons responsible for this decision should consult with each other and with their bishop and should receive divine confirmation of their decision through prayer. "

Prophet Spencer W. Kimball said,
"We marry for eternity. We are serious about this. We become parents and bring wanted children into the world and rear and train them to righteousness. We are aghast as the reports of young people going to surgery to limit their families and the reputed number of parents who encourage this vasectomy. Remember that the coming of the Lord approaches and some difficult-to-answer questions will be asked by a divine Judge who will be hard to satisfy with silly explanations and rationalizations. He will judge justly, you may be sure."

Prophet Joseph Fielding Smith said,
"Now I wish to ask a question: How will a young married couple feel when they come to the judgment and discover that there were certain spirits assigned to them and they refused to have them? Moreover, what will be their punishment when they discover that they have failed to keep a solemn covenant and spirits awaiting this mortal life were forced to come elsewhere when they were assigned to this particular couple?"

I wrote about this on my blog, The Mom of Oz and the silence was deafening. I was sad about comments I heard from other Mormon women about being “done” with kids. My head spun with judgment for these women who just didn’t care about the souls in pre-existence, waiting to come to earth.

As LDS women, we talk about “doing hard things” a lot. But being so bold as to add “having more children” or “adopting children” to the hard list? It stirs up anger and defensiveness.

But… as an LDS woman, could I look in the face of a soul waiting to come to earth and give them my list of excuses for not having more children? Is it “ok”, that my discomfort was the reason they didn’t get a chance to come to earth?

If we have a testimony of the Plan of Salvation and understand that spirits need bodies and understand the goal of the adversary how can we not have the STRONGEST of convictions on this topic? If Satan has to work hard to get a soul away from the Gospel, how much easier is it to just insure they are never born into the Gospel to begin with?

I think faith has to precede the miracle on this one. Does permanently closing off the means for God to open your womb possibly limit miracles?

When we took the leap of faith after our fourth, my husband’s career wasn't near recovery from the recession. But by week 10 of the pregnancy with our fifth, my husband’s company had a new position for him at a much better salary. I feel that was a blessing based on our faith.

It seems that peace of letting God choose your family size has left the [LDS] Church and has been taken up by sisters of other faiths. My three favorite blogs for inspiration about big families are not LDS. They are women who wholeheartedly have faith in "multiply and replenish the earth." They don't have easy pregnancies either, but they obviously have been blessed to handle the trials and they teach others along the way. I sit and learn via the internet, and can't help but wish they were sitting with me at church so I wouldn't feel like the only one.

I read an amazing post that said what I felt much better than I could even say (taken from Women in the Scriptures):

...It made my heart ache and I really began to re-examine my testimony of the gospel. If the gospel was true, and there really were hosts of spirits waiting for their turn at mortality, then nothing else in my life would compare with the opportunity to help God clothe those spirits in their immortal tabernacles. Bodies, which because of the atonement, would all become immortal and could one day house Gods and Goddesses.

Was there anything greater I could do with my “plans” that that? Yet, if the gospel wasn’t true and giving birth was really just giving existence to the non-existent, as so many in the world believe, then consecrating my fertility to a non-existent deity was the stupidest thing I could ever do.

Did I really have a testimony of the Plan of Salvation? Was God really serious when He said “be fruitful” or was He just giving a suggestion? Did I really believe God when He promised that “children are a heritage from the Lord? (Psalms 127:3)” Did I truly believe?

I felt my spirit yielding but still my mind pushed back against God.

I continued to wrestle.

A few weeks later as I was swimming laps at the gym I was pondering over my choices when a thought hit me so powerfully that I began to cry mid-stroke (yes, such a thing is possible) as the spirit rushed over me.

“It is all based on your willingness,” the still small voice whispered, “Are you willing to be a handmaiden of the Lord?”

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Thanks, Janie, for your contribution and perspective! For more of Janie's thoughts and perspectives, check out her blog, The Mom of Oz.