1. Wake up at 8:50 AM.
2. Go to bathroom and brush teeth.
3. Pet dogs.
4. Put on a pot of hot water.
5. Sign on to the Internet and start work at 9:00AM.
6. Work from my couch. In my PJs.
7. Worry.
8. Eat the food and drink the tea that my wonderful husband prepares for me. Sometimes at the table. Mostly on the couch.
9. Continue to work from my couch. In my PJs.
10. Worry some more.
11. Send about 50 e-mails to clients and co-workers.
12. Answer about 10 telephone calls, 4 of them from tele-marketers.
13. Send personal e-mails and chat with my friends via G-Chat intermittantly throughout the day.
14. Check my Facebook as Internet access permits.
15. Continue to work from my couch. In my PJs.
16. Worry some more.
17. Take a shower around 5 or 6 PM and (a) get dressed if we are going somewhere, or (b) change into different PJs.
18. Eat the dinner and drink the tea that my wonderful husband prepares for me.
19. Go to said meeting/appointment/engagement. Or, sit on the couch and read. Or, sit on the couch and work on my continuing education classes. Or, sit on the couch and watch a movie.
20. Brush teeth.
21. Go to bed.
22. Lay there and worry until I fall asleep.
There's just not a helluva lot of room for entertaining "radical honesty" to occur during the course of a day like that.
True to this, today there were only a few moments of temptation:
1. I was feeling tempted to cancel my place at a seminar I signed up for in March. The temptation is to cancel and say it is because funds are tight and I don't have the money. This is partially true, but the real reason I am tempted to cancel is that I hate seminars where I actually have to TALK to people and, Jesus, DO GROUP WORK. This seminar by nature will require group work, talking, and signing up to "practice" in some intimate positions. Its a doula training. I didn't cancel the training and instead I confessed to a dear friend the real reason I was thinking of bailing. Turns out she was thinking of bailing for the same reason. And now we are holding each other accountable not to.
2. Later in G-Chat.... same friend, different scenario. Asked me if I thought she should spend money on paying dues to do lots of things for her business. Instead of justifying by why the events would be good, etc. etc. I told her that if the only reason she wasn't going to do it was because she was gonna be cheap that she should do it. That she needed to invest in the business if she was serious about it. Not a difficult encounter, but honest nonetheless. (We're pretty good at this, she and I.)
3. Talking about being a foster parent with my husband. Told him I was scared out of my mind. His response? "Good. You should be." Then I say "Well, should we still do this then?" "Yes. But it is good that you are scared." I think I am having the sudden realization that at least half of the time he is radically honest with me. Damn.
4. Told co-worker I didn't start a project she was expecting me to do because I didn't know she wanted me to. Usually I blow sunshine up her ass. It was hard to say "There must have been a miscommunication, but I didn't realize you wanted me to do it before you got back with me with your feedback."
5. In the spirit of Joni and disclosing large "truths"... I have realized that on some level I am sabatoging my own health the more I learn about nutrition and health because I am overwhelmed by how bad my health is. The more I learn and the more I realize what a healthy body should be doing, the more I realize how unhealthy I must be and how much damage my body has gone through. I realize how hard it is going to be to lose weight and be healthy for the first time in my adult life. I don't like this. I don't want to do all this hard work. I want a fucking quick fix. I wonder if I can afford HGH injections...
6. It is like day 10 of "no sugar." However, I am being radically honest and saying that this is more like day 10 of no obvious sugar. I haven't had cookies, candy, soda, sugar in coffee or tea, etc. but I know there are things that I have consumed that have sugar in it. I feel like "no obvious sugar" is a definite step up from what I was doing two weeks ago, but in the spirit of honesty I have to say I am not totally, 100% sugar sober.
I think that needs to be all for today because I am tired of writing about myself and I have a wicked headache. That and it is time to take a shower and change into my PJs. I've got a book to read.
Peace out.
Well done, Ang! That was very truthful sounding! I especially like the part about the g-chat. hahahah.
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