Joni - DAY 1

1/26/09 - Day 1 of the Radical Honesty Project

Woke up annoyed that I was late. Bought coffee before work, $1.25 that should have gone in the piggy bank. Oops. I’m terrible about impulse buying. I do it too much. While we’re talking of things I do too much, I also spend too much time on the internet. And I omit things. That’s the thing about me: it's not that I won’t give an honest opinion when asked – more that I omit things. Not that everyone doesn’t do that, really, but justifications aren’t part of the 30 days of Radical Honesty.

Told my best friend that I’m going to start this Radical Honesty thing. In the spirit of honesty, I tell her that I’m pretty sure my truth is like the dead sea scrolls – there are plenty of truths that aren’t part of the main “truth “ that everyone knows about me. She told me she already knew that but thanks for sharing.

Went home for lunch and told Mark that I’m doing 30 days of Radical Honesty. A concept he already practices freely, actually. He tells me that I’m coo-koo. I tell him that it really bothers me when he tells me that and it makes me feel like he really thinks I’m crazy. Radical Truth #1!! He just laughs. (Not really the response I was looking for). I then tell him that it really bothers me when he lets the dog eat off our bowls. My bowls, specifically, because, since he doesn’t wash dishes (EVER), I am the one stuck with washing off the dog slime. Eeeew. Neither honest confession was really received in a way that I was hoping for, but then, I’m really doing this for myself, not to get a reaction or elicit a change from the hearer of my honesty. So there you go. Every day I’m going to post three honest things here on my blog. Kind of my passive way of truth-telling (which I’m sure would be frowned upon by the leader of the Radical Honesty movement).

Truth #1 – I don’t like going to church because I’m afraid of the people there. I don’t want to get sucked back into a bad situation. I don’t want to be judged. And I’m afraid God is going to say something to me that I don’t want to hear. I listen with both hands over my ears (figuratively) so that I can block out anything I don’t want to hear. Because I don’t really want to change my life. And I don’t want to be hurt.

Truth #2 – I am afraid to have a career in writing, not because I am afraid I’m not a good writer – because my honest opinion of myself is that I think I’m a pretty talented writer – but I’m afraid because my writing can be so raw and open, I don’t want to expose a part of myself that intimate to the world. I edit what I show people. And I am afraid that if I were to try to write full-time, I would be a miserable failure at it, therefore failing at something that I feel right now I can’t fail at. My biggest passion becoming my biggest failure. Well, then, there you go.

I intend to blog everyday about my journey in Radical Honesty. Hopefully it will do something for me because, lets face it, honestly – do we ever do anything without hope for some kind of pay off?