1/28/09 – Day 3 of 30 Days of Honesty Experiment
To tell you the truth, I thought this experiment would be more challenging and interesting than it is. I kinda hoped anyway. So far I haven’t had a reason or excuse to be radically honest with anyone except Mark and, while that is good for my relationship, it is also something I practiced frequently before the experiment.
The truth about me…
I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder related to an event I can't even really remember. It affects my life. It annoys the hell out of me. Does that make me crazy?
I obsess over things – I think about them a lot , particularly mistakes made or choices that weren’t the perfect choice, because, really, if I’m honest with myself, I think I should be perfect.
I justify things – I justify things that I do. I am not a big believer in making excuses except unless they work. If giving someone an excuse works, then I’m for it.
The truth about me is that I’m confident on the outside. I’m not a jealous person by nature, so I guess that makes me a secure person. I don’t remember most of my childhood. I don’t know why that is, but it is. I don’t like to be confrontational except in a passive way – i.e., email – and usually only if the person cannot confront me back face to face.
The truth about me, if I’m radically honest, is that I’m terrified of abandonment and the first time it happened to me, I didn't know what to do. The truth about me is that I put way too much of my identity into the people I love and rejection from the people I love consequently screws with my identity. Which explains why I don’t love many people up close.
The truth about me is that I am more afraid of other people’s truths and I am of my own.
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